The year too. And I have to tell you, morale is at an all time low. Except for me. I am having a good time, a much better time than I had in college, and it certainly beats my mother’s couch. I spend money like the Federal Government – I just raise my debt ceiling. The only real decisions I have to make is 1) whether to transfer to a better law school and 2) should I stop sleeping with classmates and undergrads and learn how to approach real women. Mike Triforce is in favor of both.

First let’s talk transfer. I got a lousy LSAT score and it took me seven years to graduate from college which I eventually did with a very mediocre GPA. Listening to Triforce I am officially 3rd in my class, and if a certain someone should lose her battle with bulemia and another drops out due to (my) alleged honor code violations I could be first. But I didn’t stay in college 7 years because I embrace change.

I am also for the first time in my life getting laid consistently. But a year’s worth of sex does not wash away the previous 10 years worth of constant rejection. In fact, but for my virginity I probably never could have stayed celibate that long without gigabytes and gigabytes of hardcore porn. Plus, in my book if you take up a greater challenge you should get a greater reward. What’s my reward for bagging an older more successful woman? Is she hotter? No. It just means I don’t have to have sex on a plastic mattress. Or maybe it’s not having to feel so shady. SO past that.

Triforce says that I should transfer since it’s not like my TTT isn’t just as expensive as an Ivy. He also says attractive women our age are better at sex than their 19 year-old counterparts. Hmmmmm…verdict is still out on this one.

I was furious when I read the headline about the woman who was dismissed from her job at a law firm days after suffering a miscarriage.

http://abovethelaw.com/2008/05/breaking-a-dramatic-farewell-emailand-proof-of-paul-hastings-layoffs-/

Needing to vent I turned to the first woman I saw in the office despite somewhere in the back of my mind knowing she was one of those bible thumping conservatives. No joke, the conversation went something like:

“Can you BELIEVE what happened to this poor woman?!”

“She should have stayed in the damn kitchen.”

“Pardon?”

“She should have been at home. If there weren’t so many women in the workplace, particularly lawyers, then perhaps my nephew could find a job or get into law school.”

“What if she had just decided to get an abortion huh? I bet you’d support more work life balance then.”

“Then she would have burned in hell. She probably will anyway. Her act of working was an abortive act in the eyes of the Lord. Better the child suffer in purgatory than be raised in a damned household.”

The woman crossed herself and went into the ladies room. I considered following her, grabbing her by the hair, and slamming her head into the latrine until I felt better. Instead I called Alpha Man and asked him why there were so many more turncoat women than turncoat blacks. Do we have to be constantly arrested and fucked up by the cops to remind us where we still stand in society?

Alpha Man broke it down for me. According to the Alpha gospel sexism is actually closer related to homophobia than racism because barring interracial marriage sexism like homophobia comes into and divides family units. Husbands, sons, brothers and fathers practice it against wives, daughters, sisters and mothers.

Then there is the fact that for women it is much more common to be sucked into the “safety bubble” aka a comfortable life so long as you don’t rock the boat. Alpha Man says blacks who trade their integrity for this comfortable life are called “house [Negroes]” hmmmm… What other term begins with “house?” ah yes, house wives!

Yes, I’ll say it – it’s time we move away from house wives. If I ask a woman whose currently not working and has young children I automatically lose respect if I hear “house wife” in response to “what do you do?” Instead, how about “I’m a/in [blank].” Period. Then if they ask where you work you say “I am taking some time off but I last worked at/in.” If they ask if you’re looking for a job you say “While I always am open to a perfect opportunity and may have limited time to take on part time projects I am not currently in the job market.” THEN if they ask about your family gush about your kids. It’s fine to talk about them, but if we want gender equality we can’t talk about our kids when asked about our jobs or careers.

Alpha Man doesn’t pull his punches when he addresses the black community and I am not going to when I talk to women. If you’re not working and have kids keep up with your old profession. Be able to discuss it intelligently. Think about what you can do on the side. You owe it to the rest of us. And if you are one of those women who has never done anything but raise kids don’t tell me it’s your choice and that you’re happy and fulfilled. You are lying to me, you’re lying to yourself and you are embarassing both of us.

Anyway so I get home and for some reason calculate my loans to date: $277,451. Wow. 300k is on the horizon. It would have been worth it if I had been tagging ass like I am now for the past 8 years. Everytime I have a night like last night I think about what a waste 7 years was at a state school not getting any. Oh well.

The current plan is still to sit for the CA bar in July and then practice law my last two years in law school. During that time I need to find the perfect class action, file it, settle it for pennies on the dollar and get paid. I don’t really want to meet with clients so hopefully I can do this with some kind of cyber tort, something along the lines of Privacy. Cash out, do the whole adjunct professor thing while keeping an eye out for other lottery tickets while bagging a steady stream of nickels and the occasional dime. Even if I have to pay for it.

If not there is always my mother’s couch. I sort of have a plan B involving my own shingle and living completely off company money but I get tired just thinking about it.

The sad thing is the size of my debt has literally no bearing on my life. It will either be a single payment will equal an insurmountable sum or the entire amount will be a weekend in Vegas. It’s all so meaningless.

This is for my peeps who are pimps first and professionals second – the type of slick mothers who can hop on a plane to a country where they can’t speak the language with only the clothes on their back and spend three months with the type of women suicide bombers dream about.

This is also in response to Sweet Hot Justice who wrote a piece “Biglaw Bros: Why Slam Pieces DON’T Want You.” The article can be found here

http://www.sweethotjustice.com/2011/03/01/biglaw-bros-why-slam-pieces-dont-want-you/

and reposted on ATL here

http://abovethelaw.com/2011/03/biglaw-bros-why-slam-pieces-don%E2%80%99t-want-you/

Basically SHJ says that dimes aren’t interested because at the end of the day even the most successful lawyer doesn’t make shit compared to a finance guy and law just ain’t sexy.  And you know what? She’s right.  But dimes want you anyway.  Why? Let me explain.

Basically it comes down to this: having an angle.  Think Owen Wilson from “Meet the Parents.” He didn’t present himself as an investment banker or whatever the hell he was.  He presented himself as a carpenter or some kind of artist or…I must admit, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen that movie.  The point is you don’t sell yourself as a lawyer, you sell yourself as a cowboy, athlete, musician, actor, writer, etc.  Then once she’s interested you might let it drop that law is your day job, and then the beamer the valet brings around fills in the rest of the blanks for her.

No disrespect to women, but they are dumb and predictable.  A woman wants love first and security second.  That’s why you present sexy/poor and then let it drop that yeah, actually you can pay the bills.  This is actually what most girls want because women have it ingrained in them at an early age that to make a man’s income the DOMINANT factor in whether they go out with, date or engage in relations with, makes them a whore.  Again, believe it or not, most women do not want to FEEL LIKE whores.  Even the extremely hot ones.

SHJ presents the stereotypical gold-digger who also happens to be a dime.  She doesn’t give you the time of day because your buck sixty ain’t shit compared to the kid who plans to be a millionaire next year.  She also acts like she doesn’t care that her behavior makes her feel cheap.  Surely, the lowly lawyer has no shot at this gal right? Wrong.  Here’s why.

A gold digger wants to MARRY the finance guy.  That’s what a gold digger is.  They don’t just dig up the gold to look at it, or take a few gold pieces and put them in the bank just to get a taste of the good life.  The gold digger wants to marry the finance guy.  Now, being smart, and SHJ insists that she is, does she sleep with the finance guy right off the bat? No.  Otherwise he will think she is what she is, whorish and cheap.  Now, enter the law guy.  She can spot a lawyer by now, mostly by the conversation and their tendency to spend more time checking email with their phones rather than taking calls.  Definitely no gold, only copper.  But copper will do for a night.  At this point whether the lawyer does or does not go home with the girl depends on only two things 1) how physically attractive she finds him and 2) him not fucking it up by talking.

But I haven’t even gotten to the best part.  Let’s look at our competition, the finance guys and the doctors.  Dudes, these people have to work for a living.  The BEST thing about us and our MOST VALUABLE advantage is that we’re not measured by some objective end result, like portfolio performance or lives saved.  We’re measured on hours we bill, arbitrarily and inconsistently reviewed.  We actually have TIME to become the moderately decent musicians, the supporting actors in independent films and the fledgling writers that make for good bar conversation.  We have the TIME to be interesting.  And we have the TIME to go to the gym so we can at least look respectable.

After all, women are just people like us.  And at the end of the day people have sex with sexy.

I am not the biggest fan of kids.  I did my rotation through pediatrics and was told I’d be a good pediatrician because I didn’t let emotions get in the way of medicine, and because children are more comfortable with a female doctor.  Pass.  One of the things I did notice though was that there were alot of fat kids.  Half of the kids were in my humble opinion fat enough to be the “fat” kid in their respective class, the one with no friends that everyone poked fun at.  My thought is that an anti-obesity campaign is so benign as to be almost useless.  Michelle Obama is a beautiful, empowered, intelligent woman who could raise awareness about any number of issues.  Then I heard about Rush Limbaugh, a morbidly obese, fat drug addict, attacking the first lady over her anti-obesity campaign.  This indicates the type of bald-faced hatred that still permeates a great deal of the 48% of the country that did not vote for Obama.

I do not know exactly why I found Limbaugh’s commentary to be so much more offensive than Sarah Palin’s similar comments.  Palin constantly goes out of her way to take shots at the first lady, going as far as to dedicate a plate of smores to her in the defiant act of eating dessert.  Sadly, I suspect the reason for this is that Sarah Palin, who is losing her battle with age, is still in far better shape than Rush Limbaugh.  The hypocrisy of a man who can lose well over 50 lbs and not look any different criticizing someone for combating childhood obesity cuts through my political apathy and strikes me as absurd.  It also demonstrates that I was wrong about two things.  First, that the first lady should have taken on something more concrete, and two, that childhood obesity isn’t such a big deal.

Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama are very similar.  Beautiful, brilliant, ambitious – but when Hillary was first lady these traits were used against her.  She was attacked for it.  I can still remember in middle school seeing the bumper stickers that read “Impeach Clinton and her Husband.”  Michelle Obama learned from history and purposefully chose something seemingly innocuous and adopted the middle America friendly moniker “Mom in Chief.”  But is childhood obesity really that innocuous?

The fat kids I met were not the fat kids I remember from school.  They didn’t play video games 20 hrs a day, didn’t have chocolate constantly smeared on his faces, liked and were good at sports.  Well, not all of them.  There were some “traditional” candy-loving, video-game playing chess club attending geeks.  But the point remains, childhood obesity isn’t primarily due to what kids DO it’s about the FOOD children have access to, particularly in poor communities.  And that is a very worthy political issue.

Benito talks about how everything he learned in law school was either useless or a lie.  One of my greatest fears was discovering any similarities between medical school and law school.  The human body is the human body and science is science, I assured myself.  Law is just crap made up by old people to protect their property.  Sadly, I must admit that nutrition is one area where medical school takes on a sort of law school-esque motif.  First, doctors are not nutritionists and the entire industry is not based on prevention.  Second the food pyramid is bullshit.  People don’t need meat.  People don’t need dairy.

The Obamas learned something, alot of things from the Clintons.  I understand it would be political suicide now, but perhaps if the Obamas are as active as the Clintons are in their post-whitehouse days perhaps they’ll take a play from the Clinton playbook and go vegan.

So I am on call and it’s Christmas Eve. So far it’s been pretty standard. Alot of drunk driving fatalities, alot of long suffering cancer patients going home and alot of sick children. I wasn’t even going to bitch but for two things 1) I am covering for someone who doesn’t even celebrate Christmas and 2) I just got a text from Mike Triforce reading “I’m working. R U?”

First, that bastard is working by choice. Every year he goes into the office on Christmas Eve and stays until late on Christmas day to get face time with the movers and shakers in the firm and to make up for 11.5 months of not doing shit. He then makes his family wait (he insists they not but he knows they will anyway) for three hours before eating Christmas dinner, until he arrives, looking extra frazzled and of course bearing extremely extravagant gifts. It also allows him to avoid bringing the Princess to his parent’s house because even he has the decency not to bring that filthy tramp into his parent’s home on one of the holiest days of the year.

So I call Benito looking to bitch and of course that makes the situation worse. First I mention working on Christmas Eve and immediately feel bad because Benito has no work or job. I try and recover saying it’s just the plight of the professional, but then I realize technically Benito is a professional. Then I hear his mother on the line saying she wished Benito had somewhere else to be Christmas Eve, or anytime for that matter, even if it wasn’t a job so she wouldn’t have to keep explaining that her 30 year-old balding son lives with her and has no job prospects despite having more education than most Professors. His mom got off the line and then I cursed Benito out for making me feel worse not better.

I called Alpha Man. At least he has a few part time jobs.  He got on my nerves responding to everything I said with some hippie-zen bullshit before turning the conversation to healthcare generally, Obama’s health plan and two seconds later the 2012 election. I noticed his voice sounded funny, and he replied it was cold in Fairmount Park where he set up his tent and his teeth were chattering. Once again I felt bad and proceeded to curse him out. It’s always awkward talking to An ex around the holidays anyway.

I called Icarus but he was so drunk I was shocked he’d even been able to answer his phone. He kept babbling about pills and lights and trees. To be honest I am a bit tired of what I consider to be an overdramatic display to convey that he is some kind of tortured literary soul. You’re a substitute teacher, a conveyer of worksheets, a temp for a shifty job that already gets no respect. Yes you have a Phd and the fulltime person has an Associates degree but at least when they are on a plane and their is a heart attack no one mistakes them for being useful wasting precious time. I cursed Icarus out.

Now I know you see a pattern developing and I will have you know I didn’t curse out KF Li or even leave a profanity filled message on his phone. Neither did I curse out Erin whose number I actually have in my possession.

I called well-adjusted Erin with high hopes. I could feel the pressure of my coming bitch session as the minutes of my precious break began to slip away.  But then tragedy. Erin’s aunt had just passed away and so I was forced to listen to tears shed over someone I had not pronounced…so sad. I gave her my condolences and said my break was up, which it almost was. But I was still mad.

I called Benito back and cursed him out for not telling me about Erin’s aunt. When I was finished he told me that it wasn’t her aunt, but her great aunt, as in her dead grandfather’s dead brother’s second wife also divorced whom she had never met and been dead for over a week. Oh hell no. I cursed Benito out for a third time to practice what I was going to say to Erin.

I called her from the hospital phone so as to thwart the caller ID. Guess who answered her phone all Christmas-happy sparkly? So I lace into her and get this, she goes she’d already taken 4 calls from friends who had to work Christmas/Christmas Eve and just couldn’t deal with another so she embellished a bit. Then she gets all preachy, there are worse things this and that and at least you have a job and family and don’t spend the holidays depressed etc.

I really would like to curse out the person who invented the phrase “it could be worse.” I was livid at the thought of Erin wallowing in her self-righteousness, a feeling I could have been savoring if I had never called her. It had crossed my mind to weigh the satisfaction of venting with the feeling of superiority that comes from helping people at Christmas time. To be honest I was probably trying to have my cake and eat it too, figuring more people would be like Benito and allow me to vent and stroke my ego.

But whatever. Erin won this round. I will wait until New Years when she is watching the ball and feeling lonely and be sure to make out with Simon in front of her. Unless I have to work then too. I have been here so long I have no idea what day it is.

Now I know how Alpha Man feels about Clarence Thomas thanks to Sarah Palin. I don’t just mean a political figure the same sex and race as I am who is in favor of systematically destroying the infrastructure set-up to combat the discrimination against people like me that’s reinforced by hundreds of years of injustice. I was always of the opinion that anyone possessing normal human empathy could understand that. I am talking about something more specific.

When one discovers their education is either useless or to some degree a hindrance you try and find other reasons it was worth it. Alpha Man has been known to remark “at least I made alot of white people mad.” Touche Alpha Man. Similarly I got satisfaction out of proving guys who thought a woman’s place was the kitchen wrong.  In fact the hardest part of my law school hiatus was taking a paralegal job working for predominantly men who would assume I couldn’t hack law school which ironically made me more attractive to them. Some of my single friends who stuck it out actually envied me. But screw that. I only need to meet one acceptable guy whose not intimidated by me to have a relationship. The rest can cower in fear and I take satisfaction in that. It’s almost worth the 28 cents less per dollar I will make in my lifetime.

So then Sarah Palin comes along and essentially wipes out a decade’s worth of little victories – my own and millions of nameless women. I mean Sarah Palin is probably the most famous woman that a great deal of men can name and those men are the most likely to harbor sexist views.  I can almost hear their thoughts “she has to write notes on her hand… she may be the next President but she’s still a woman!” After that there’s nothing you as a woman can do to prove to that man you are his intellectual equal (or in alot of cases superior).

I grew up in the eighties where cartoons tried to teach kids gender equality with an episode where the female characters beat or rescue the male characters.  The most notable of course is the Chipmunk Adventure when the Chippettes beat/save the Chipmunks even though they took a detour to save a baby penguin.

While Sarah Palin may look like Janette, the awkward nerdy Chippette with her glasses and brown hair in a bun, she has none of Janette’s spunk or character. You need to look to Nancy Pelosi for that. Sarah Palin is more like the older female character who would tell the heroine she couldn’t do it. That it wasn’t a woman’s place.

Simon is perfect. That’s not good enough. My student loans are manageable. That’s not good enough either. Sadly good enough can only be used to describe the work of my incompetent interns who I routinely flog verbally until I see their little spirits die behind their eyes.

Simon has to walk a fine line. He needs to have money, but not TOO much money lest I develop a lifestyle dependent on him. He needs to be forceful and strong like a man but I always have to have my way. He has to be able to fix things but can’t have that “blue collar” essence otherwise he is beneath me. His racial/ethnic background can’t be just like mine otherwise every black woman I know will get on me about snatching him up, but he also can’t be good old boy white because the chances of that being a turn-on are close to nil. Eastern European works. And of course he has to be model hot. I want big muscles and eight pack definition just like a man wants large breasts and a small waist. I feel the same way about my debt.

I can’t have mommy and daddy pay for school. Then I am some spoiled rich kid who owes her parents a marriage to someone they approve of, four grandchildren, at least 3 of them male, all of whom will be going to prep through med school on my dime.

I also can’t have Benito style debt. I am not separating Siamese twins then driving home in my used Kia to my hovel with three roommates, one of which is unemployed and the other two who have a higher take home paycheck than I do pending their promotion at Starbucks.

I need just enough debt that I can join in the conversations complaining about debt and how doctors aren’t paid enough but not enough debt that I can’t fantasize about my first navy blue Mercedes with a light beige leather interior, heated seats and that fancy accident preventing technology. I need to “make it” and feel “self-made.” Is that so wrong?

If that’s impossible I would settle to belong to one group or the other. I’ve written before about rich medical kids where doctoring has been the family business for generations. They have that fancy Mercedes now and talk about Aston Martins and whatnot. Then there are the poor medical students. They have whatever craigslist was offering when they realized that doctors on call can’t depend on public transportation. Me? I have a 2008 Avalon, simultaneously an old Toyota and a recent model of the flagship vehicle for the most successful car company in the world. What a need is something like a 20 year-old BMW with a story behind it. Then I would have a luxury car while simultaneously be driving a car older than Doogie Howser.  Maybe Simon will get one for me, or better yet find me one and take over some of my other bills so I can buy it myself.

At the risk of offending Alpha Man I have decided to take issue with a recent article written by the illustrious Elie Mystal of Above the Law.

http://abovethelaw.com/2010/10/bullying-shouldnt-be-a-crime-no-matter-how-many-people-kill-themselves-because-of-it/

As a blogger myself I recognize an article titled simply to get hits and draw commentary.  Normally I think touche and go on about my business.  This article pulled me in with it’s Karate Kid analogy.  I happen to have an encylopedic knowledge of that movie.  Now if one recalls, the Karate Kid is about a kid named Daniel who moves across the country from NJ to LA.  There he accidentally offends a group of Martial Arts students after hitting on one of their ex-girlfriends.  After several run-ins four or five of them chase Daniel through a field and beat him until he is unable to stand.  The bullies argue briefly about whether to leave him or keep going, and they decide collectively to continue.  But for the intervention of Mr. Miyagi while Johnny was in-flight, Daniel almost certainly would have died from the next strike.

It has nothing to do with being fragile, Elie.  A beaten and broken human-being cannot survive a flying sidekick to the sternum.  Let’s break this down a little further…

Lawyer to lawyer, you know as well as I do that 98% of the conduct we broadly refer to as “bullying” are actual crimes or at the very least torts for which there is recognized liability.  If a bully threatens someone that’s assault.   If a bully hit someone that’s assault and battery.  Even your sarcastic example with the girl making fun of another girl’s backpack can rise to the level of harassment. 

Next, let’s return to our Karate Kid example (you really messed up picking that movie) the near-fatal encounter Daniel had with the Cobra-Kai came after Daniel actually did stand up for himself by spraying Johnny with water at the Halloween party.  This was partially motivated by the girl he liked (so yes, Daniel realizes that if he wants a chance to “mate” as you put it he has to stand up for himself).  Next, Daniel is only able to learn the requisite skillset to defend himself in the several months where the bullies were forbidden BY A TEACHER from bullying him.

Now I’m not a parent and given my debtload and lot in life it’s unlikely I will never have the pleasure of reproducing…but if I DID I certainly would do whatever I could to protect my child using whatever resources were at my disposal including litigation.  Protecting your child is the primary role of a parent. 

Also, have you noticed it’s only “bullying” if a stronger more socially acceptable individual is hurting a weaker less socially acceptable person simply because of who they are?  I mean if a “nerd” hits a random “jock” with a bat it’s not “bullying” it’s assault.  The reason we have a nonchalant attidude about bullying is that a bully is simply shouting what we’re all whispering.  A bully is simply society’s megaphone.  That’s why even if you yourself have been bullied, you stand up for the bully because even you have been socially conditioned to approve of the bully’s behavior.

Finally, defending yourself from bullies isn’t as simple cut and dry as one might think.  As near as I can tell Gerald Ung defended himself from a bully named Eddie Didonato…but he’s in jail charged with attempted murder.  If you stand-up to a bully and a fight breaks out does it matter that he was the aggressor or do both students get suspended?  Who REALLY suffers then? The bully who likely already has poor grades and a tarnished record or the victim who is probably doing well with a clean record? 

It seems you don’t care about students who kill themselves.  Do you care about students who instead of turning their despair inwards instead blanket the surrounding area in their pain in the form of a multiple-murder suicide? Is it worth aggressively dealing with bulling to stop school shootings?

Accepting bullying as an inevitability is to deny the better angels of mankind.  Some children not only refrain from bullying but defend weaker children from bullies.  It’s called character and it does exist but we do not cultivate it by perpetuating the belief that the worst things in our nature are unavoidable. 

Finally that was a bitch move running from the bullies and leaving the girl you were escorting.  What if Lewis had less than honorable intentions as far as she was concerned? Before Daniel had even one ounce of training, he at least defended his new lady friend.

Sigh. I am in line at Costco. Who can tell me three things wrong with that? 1) The Princess should be doing this kind of crap. 2) I shouldn’t have to use condoms with my live-in girlfriend of going on three years to not catch the latest strand of Herpes from a mediocre frat and 3) I shouldn’t have to be at Costco at all. Costco is expensive as hell and the Princess has a very expensive BREAKFAST and LUNCH meal plan only. I didn’t even know that was an option. Not wanting to go hungry, I occasionally make it to campus only to be greeted by asanine questions from her idiot friends “don’t you have a job? Shouldn’t you be at work? Aren’t you like 30?” I was so angry I almost didn’t get a third helping of eggs. I do have my pride though. I am not Benito. I refuse to bring Tupperware.

Oh but get THIS – the Princess isn’t even 100% daddy-funding this. The trifling, shiftless, spaghetti-legged trollup actually took out loans. She’s taking out loans to fuck fratboys while owing me 15 grand.

What does debt for a partner mean in a longterm relationship where you don’t plan to marry that person? Read on to find out.

I mean first there’s the obvious. In a relationship like mine where it’s understood that when you get a better offer you’re gone, if someone else starts borrowing tons of cash to be around good looking people in great shape you expand your search to include not just better offers but comparable ones. Also the cashflow in the household comes to a standstill. The student partner is naturally strapped for cash and the other partner doesn’t want to pay for joint goods like groceries , rent etc. because they know the chance of being paid back is virtually nil.

There are also new turns on the emotional roller coaster. Specifically there are two possibilities: most likely the student partner, racked by guilt and stress fails in every respect and comes crawling back more willing to take the abuse they most likely deserve until the non-student partner leaves for greener more successful pastures.

Now there is the outside chance that the student partner becomes very successful and earns a previously non-existent respect from the non-student partner. The student partner then is put in the tough situation of choosing to stay with their partner who supported them when they were garbage or move on to the untested fellow student-weighing the fact that the sex isn’t stale on one hand to the fact that the student has never been in the real world.

Sigh. But joke’s on the Princess. She will be walking to CVS for the morning after pill from now on. I’ve already got the Herpes cream. Also I am spending the last of the abortion fund here at Costco. In my book for a kid to really be mine and hence obligate me to kill it or raise it is more than just blood and DNA, it’s also a level of exclusivity, otherwise I am just a sucker who got unlucky.

Good luck on your midterms honey!