So, a whole lot has happened.  So much in fact that it’s hard to decide exactly what to write about.  First there is this

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/17/business/law-school-economics-job-market-weakens-tuition-rises.html?_r=1

And if you’re here on this site you are aware of everything in the story linked to above.  What makes it newsworthy is that it’s in the New York Times.  I suppose I should be happy that one of the most widely read newspapers in the world has taken note of my specific plight.  But instead all I did was crack a beer.  Then I cracked another, and another and then I got REAL mad.  Is this how people who see parents murder their children all the time felt when the media found Casey Anthony? And now thanks to the NYT article…well, my life’s still over.  I’ve got this blog, I do my part to help the next generation.  All I am left with his emptiness.

But there’s more.  How about this

http://abovethelaw.com/2011/07/suing-law-schools-potpourri-tidings-from-law-schools-named-after-a-thomas/thomas-cooley-lawsuit-cl/

That’s right.  Kids like me are rising up and suing their law schools.  Read on to hear what I think about that.

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I try and give you folks a lark with some good-old fashioned bro humor. I had a great story about a bro who opened a puppy rental stand who paid this slam piece to jerk off guys she saw walking said puppies and suggest that for paying off high interest private loans. But you people need help. Serious help. So instead I am going to explain to you something you should have learned growing up watching sports.

Now here is how I know there are no sports fans on this site. One if there were ballets among you you’d have gotten scholarships. Two if you could converse about sports with people you’d be less miserable at work, more pleasant to be around, less likely to lose your job and more likely to find a new one if you do.  And before you get started yes I am going to make a sports analogy BUT I am going to explain it so even those who think Jordan was the greatest football player because he scored the most runs in history can understand.

You are playing a game, say basketball, (round ball, bounces, played indoors) and your opponent is debt. Whoever has the most points at the end of the game (aka the amount of time you want/reasonable amount of time to take to pay off your loans is) wins. Debt is winning by the amount you owe, aided by crooked refs we’ll call interest.
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In London when the government raised tuition to a small fraction of what it is here in the United States, students took to the streets en masse to remind their country and the world that education is a right not a privilege in the sort of world we want to live in and the next generation deserves.  I realize that a large part of the student debt problem is that generation upon generation buried us with their silence on the issue.  Finally, things got so bad that we took to…the blogosphere.  Where I sit on my  mother’s couch complaining to people of a like mind in a similar situation at no personal risk to me.  I often talk about having nothing to lose, but that’s not true.  There is always the net physical comfort between my current situation and prison or what my life would be like if I were to say, camp outside of Sallie Mae with a sign demanding justice.

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Roy Jones Jr. is a 16 year-old engineering protege who decided to attend The Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University, an HBCU, over ivy-league institutions and since has suffered ridicule for his courageous, brilliant and right decision. He exemplified honor, discipline and pride throughout the ordeal and has responded admirably to his critics. It is high time someone commended this young man and help him up as an example of someone who has acted with audacity, pride and power.

The implication for this blog is obvious. Mr. Jones chose the school that offered him the best scholarship, education and experience. He demonstrated wisdom beyond the grasp of 18 and 19 year-oldsters, citing the quality of his specific program and his recognition that many of the schools that accepted him are prestigious in name only. Mr. Jones is not a clown or a performer. He is not here to amuse or impress you because you don’t have a job for him. You can’t afford his services. Mr. Jones has impressed Lockeed Martin. Perhaps you’ve heard of them – they are one of the many employers unimpressed with your over-academic pedigree and has yet to respond to your unsolicited job application.

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Sigh. I am in line at Costco. Who can tell me three things wrong with that? 1) The Princess should be doing this kind of crap. 2) I shouldn’t have to use condoms with my live-in girlfriend of going on three years to not catch the latest strand of Herpes from a mediocre frat and 3) I shouldn’t have to be at Costco at all. Costco is expensive as hell and the Princess has a very expensive BREAKFAST and LUNCH meal plan only. I didn’t even know that was an option. Not wanting to go hungry, I occasionally make it to campus only to be greeted by asanine questions from her idiot friends “don’t you have a job? Shouldn’t you be at work? Aren’t you like 30?” I was so angry I almost didn’t get a third helping of eggs. I do have my pride though. I am not Benito. I refuse to bring Tupperware.

Oh but get THIS – the Princess isn’t even 100% daddy-funding this. The trifling, shiftless, spaghetti-legged trollup actually took out loans. She’s taking out loans to fuck fratboys while owing me 15 grand.

What does debt for a partner mean in a longterm relationship where you don’t plan to marry that person? Read on to find out.

I mean first there’s the obvious. In a relationship like mine where it’s understood that when you get a better offer you’re gone, if someone else starts borrowing tons of cash to be around good looking people in great shape you expand your search to include not just better offers but comparable ones. Also the cashflow in the household comes to a standstill. The student partner is naturally strapped for cash and the other partner doesn’t want to pay for joint goods like groceries , rent etc. because they know the chance of being paid back is virtually nil.

There are also new turns on the emotional roller coaster. Specifically there are two possibilities: most likely the student partner, racked by guilt and stress fails in every respect and comes crawling back more willing to take the abuse they most likely deserve until the non-student partner leaves for greener more successful pastures.

Now there is the outside chance that the student partner becomes very successful and earns a previously non-existent respect from the non-student partner. The student partner then is put in the tough situation of choosing to stay with their partner who supported them when they were garbage or move on to the untested fellow student-weighing the fact that the sex isn’t stale on one hand to the fact that the student has never been in the real world.

Sigh. But joke’s on the Princess. She will be walking to CVS for the morning after pill from now on. I’ve already got the Herpes cream. Also I am spending the last of the abortion fund here at Costco. In my book for a kid to really be mine and hence obligate me to kill it or raise it is more than just blood and DNA, it’s also a level of exclusivity, otherwise I am just a sucker who got unlucky.

Good luck on your midterms honey!

I am glad Mike Triforce didn’t go to law school five years later, because if he did he would have what I have in my possession: a student loan debit card.  That’s right, in between my student ID and Visa, I have a student loan debit card just in time for Oktoberfest.  You can’t make this stuff up.

So here’s what first came to mind. WWMT.  What Would Mike Triforce Do?  Well, obviously he would steal them.  Imagine how easy these cards would be to steal, and how many cards/accounts could be stolen WITHOUT A STUDENT EVER EVEN KNOWING.  I mean if the card gets stolen who foots the bill?  Keep in mind, the card is linked to the same indebtedness that does not afford you bankruptcy protection. 

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So if this was any other blog I, the most consistent female contributor, would be going on some wild zany trip between jobs where I would discover my lesbian side and drive a car that only only people who don’t have to work at all drive. Well sorry guys. If you’re looking for a sex fantasy you’ve come to the wrong place.

Instead I am going to elaborate on the plan I mentioned earlier about how to get the rest of my JD paid for and earn another degree to boot. Read on for the details.

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So rather than regurgitating something from ATL three or four days after it gets posted I thought I’d share my news and my plan.  I think step one is self-explanatory if you read the title.  The last straw you might ask? One of those canned “farewell” emails that a laid off associate who still believes in the networking fairy sends out instead of putting as many of his belongings as possible in a bag before security arrives.  This farewell was special though.

Was it sarcastic? Did it rip the firm a new one? No.  Was it a stream of consciousness nervous breakdown?  No that wasn’t it. Read on to find out but if you’re an above the fold type person I will give you a hint.  It has to do with the length.   It was exactly three and a half sentences.

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Sigh.  I wish Alpha Man had gone to law school or had at least agreed to write this, but he said it was MY responsibility and to tap into my “righteous anger.” Well kids, here it is.

The New York Times reports that law schools are automatically raising grades on PAST EXAMS for CURRENT LAW STUDENTS and PAYING LAW FIRMS to accept their students.  The first question that comes to mind is, why not help out recent alumni who have been UNEMPLOYED FOR 6 to 24  MONTHS particularly since their grades lack the NATURAL GRADE INFLATION already present on the transcripts of more recent classes?  Well, once you no longer affect the employment statistics of these hallowed halls of learning, nobody cares whether you live or die. 

First let me post the link and then I will dissect what it means for us JD debtors.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/22/business/22law.html

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If you’re living off the grid summer is the best time to travel – less clothes to take, easier to hitch hike since more students are on the road, and you’d be surprised how much free food you can get if you know how to find a barbecque honoring a grad, dad, country or a vet, and that’s not even counting block parties.  Recently I have been traveling and I found myself in Washington, DC where I saw Laurence Fishburne at the Kennedy Center in the one-man bio drama Thurgood.  Just in case any next of kin ever read this, yes I wore a coat and tie.  And I was blown away.

Benito says he’d give back his JD, earned in the guilded halls of the ivy-league, if they would just relinquish his debt.  He calls the piece of paper worthless.  It is of course an understatement to say that Justice Marshall’s JD, earned in extremely more modest accommodations at a time where most law schools were still segregated was priceless, not just for him personally but for our country.  The play alludes to the fact that Justice Marshall saved up enough for tuition working in the service industry and that his mother sold her engagement ring and wedding band in order to help pay his way.  I know an author at the New York Times that would have frowned upon that.

Read on to find out why I think debt might be the new Jim Crow.

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