Why is Ashton Krutcher still relevant? He snagged himself a cougar named Demi Moore. He took Demi Moore from Bruce Willis. Bruce FUCKING Willis. I think I can take Todd Palin. His name is Todd for heavens sake.

Alpha Man’s rant got me thinking. Why not work for her campaign, start sleeping with her, be her shoulder to cry on when she divorces Todd in 2014 to take the country’s attention off the horrible job she’s doing as Prez. And then marry her a month before she’s up for re-election?

Now I know, I know she’s already haggard-looking and by 2014 she’s 50. And by the time we’re married she’ll have great grand children if the next Palin generation is anything like the preceding ones. Yeah there are her slutty daughters but Bristol is no looker and it’s too early to tell about the others. But hear me out. I rarely talk about my cougar conquests but there have been some doozies. Plus once I am in front of that camera and get the type of exposure the Palins get it’s over folks. It really is. I look that good and the sound of my voice is addictive. I am like Dickie V. To a college basketball fan.

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I came across the following comment reading an online article today:

Plot Synopsis: Sarah Palin’s Alaska: Episode 2 – Todd Strikes Back

When we last left our boy Toddy, the evil liberal writer next door had poked his head over the Great Freedom & Liberty Fence and caught old Toddy porking his favorite old pet goat (again) like a piston engine out back behind the snow machine shed. The old Granny Griz was none too happy about that you betcha. Toddy rallied the Greater Alaskan Frozen Tea Bag Patrol to help him build an Even Greater Freedom & Liberty & Patriot Fence so he could really git’er done Toddy style. Toddy told the Patriotic Patrollers that if they built our boy a bigger Even Greater Freedom & Liberty & Patriot Fence that he’d let them have a turn with his old goat… and after that they could have a shot at the four-legged one too….

I posted this mostly because it’s funny as hell, but there is a deeper point too that must be discussed.

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One of the things that makes our plight so frustrating is we feel we have been punished for doing the right thing. As we serve coffee at rest stops to high school dropouts whose parents own construction companies and get interviewed for junior level positions by former division III quarterbacks who still have credits outstanding despite the diploma in their spacious office, we can’t help but feel the world has done us an injustice.  This election season we are reminded the universe didn’t do us an injustice, we simply exist in an unjust universe. Never are we so reminded of this as we are in this past election.

Let’s go macro first and look at Healthcare.  The House passed a strong healthcare bill complete with the public option and did so in a reasonable amount of time.  Keep in mind, passing healthcare directly equals saving millions of lives over the course of the next decade and actually lowers the deficit. Reward? House Democrats lose control and are voted out mostly by people who will come to depend on this bill for survival.

The Senate takes a different route. It hems and haughs and barely passes a watered down version of healthcare…and barely holds on (just barely) to it’s majority.  Now let’s look at some individual elections.

I am a Philly boy so let’s take the Sestak loss. He thought he knew better than the President. The President asked him not to run against Arlen Specter not because he preferred Specter to Sestak but because Specter would win and Sestak would lose. But as I am finding out with this blog, you can’t tell people anything these days. They have to learn for themselves.

Now, I know what you’re thinking “but by that logic Obama should have deferred to Clinton.” Tssk, tssk. Joe Sestak was not a once in every 40 years transformative figure with that  rare genius it takes to inspire a nation and the world to greatness…he’s Joe Sestak. Now let’s at Rand Paul. He won on a platform of repealing the Civil Rights Act. I can’t wait until Alpha Man gets around to writing about that.

Given that when the Civil War ended and Reconstruction was cancelled former Confederates were elected to Congress in landslides and dominated politics for 40 years, it’s pretty sad that all the GOP could do was take back the House. Also, all those soon to be unemployed congressman, at least those that voted for Healthcare, can know that the injustice they suffered meant something. I think that’s a laudable goal to aspire to, particularly since the Mercedes and house with a pool is no longer an option.

And from blogging apparently. This is the fourth post I have started. Fingers crossed that I finish.  My break from
Politics doesn’t mean starting now that the election is almost passed. I mean my break since I switched jobs.  Lawyers tend to have a hyper sensitivity to politics. Debt and money too for that matter – even though they do not have a lion’s share of either.

Most people think of politics like their favorite sports team. They started voting for a party or following a team probably because their father did or because that is what you had to do to get along where ever you happen to be. Last night’s game is discussed over coffee during the early week and… that’s it.

I will vote of course. But this serene place I like to call an average corporate office has allowed me to see and state the obvious. After all that is what consultants do. Republicans will make gains because it is a midterm election. Something unexpected but ultimately minor will happen and Republicans will fail to win Congress in it’s entirety. If Obama pulls out of Afghanistan and the economy turns around he’ll get reelected. If not, he won’t.

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Read Benito’s post. That’s the problem with the Democratic party. They are made up of losers like Benito. Now if you are familiar with me you know I don’t vote unless I can directly personally benefit through favors from the individual to be elected, but if I did vote I would vote Republican and here is why- I like winners.

Benito claims you should vote in your “self interest.” I think we can all agree that I am as self interested as they come but hell if I am voting for them. Think back to high school. Losers were always doing things for their friends whether it was giving them rides, helping them with school work or coaxing them into reconsidering suicide. The popular kids? They didn’t do shit for their friends and wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to talk about them behind their backs. Same thing with the Republicans. They expect your vote and you are not going to get shit for it except the promise they are going to keep doing what they do: getting that money, starting that war, and penalizing everyone that fails to conform to the ideal. Hellz and Bellz bitches.

I mean look at Jesus. He healed people of incurable diseases instantly for free. Now that’s Universal Healthcare. You really just had to ask. Apparently he rarely ever got thanked, such that a leper expressing his appreciation was a noteworthy occurrence. He also multiplied resources from wine to fish and bread. He never asked for any money and would openly associate with anyone. He lost an election for “not crucified” in a landslide to a convicted killer who as far as I know never did anything for anyone. Jesus even had an endorsement from God, Moses, Elijah and from the governor Pontius Pilate.

So vote Republican. People will think you are a winner by association and if you start doing cold shit like that maybe you will actually become one. A winner that is.

Obviously you should vote.  I kind of figured this would go without saying.  Apparently however, blogs and other personalities endorse candidates/give scorecards when it comes to this sort of thing so I thought I’d spend another couple of paragraphs stating the obvious. 

So, um, let’s recap.  Between 2000 and 2008 the cost of tuition has skyrocketed and the earning power of our degrees has plummeted.  This was on the Republicans watch.  In the last two years we’ve seen the end of the fat middlemen between students and the federal government.  We can thank the Democrats for that.  While this may sound like a democratic endorsement, neither side really considers the plight of student debtors that big of a deal.  Republicans figure that if we were stupid enough to take out all those loans maybe we will continue to act against our own interests and vote for them and Democrats figure that, given the Republicans’ record on student debt, unemployment and other issues near and dear to our hearts, so long as no Democratic candidate was the former head of Sallie Mae they can count on us. 

Eventually if we actually want our issues addressed by people we elect we are going to have to organize  and lobby.  Basically we have to appear strong enough and organized enough that we attract Republican attention, thinking maybe they can steal a smaller albeit significant part of what conventional wisdom says is a steadfast liberal bastion.  We start talking to them and then Democrats have to do something to keep us.

But for now its enough that we vote.  Please vote.  And vote in your best interest.

When I was a kid I loved punk rock and still do to this day. The difference between now and then is as a kid I felt bad when people bullied me for listening to “white music.” Now people say I am too old for the genre, but my 300+ bench press says I can listen to whatever I want.  I also have the same attitude about education and debt.  To quote Green Day “I think it’s alright that I do what I like because that’s the way I want to live.” Thats from J.A.R. kids. Hit it up on YouTube.

To the traditional Republicans who point to Affirmative Action as the source of my advancement let me say this: sure you can shut me out of job markets eroding the market value of my degree but know what? Each time you focused your efforts on me a future Obama was on your blind side and he made it through. I am like the GI who got machine gunned on the beaches of Normandy. While you riddled my body with bullets my brothers were getting through. Plus, it is enough to know that every single day I was there I was pissing you off.

To the Tea Partiers who hate education generally and say I should be making a greater effort to pay back my loans because “it’s the right thing to do” I say meh, pass. Think of it this way, instead of “no taxation without representation” it’s “no repayment without adequate employment.” Think you guys can remember that? Keep in mind that taxes are often used to pay for services already rendered/promised, such as the wars and police you love so much.

So for “an angry black man” I am feeling just fine.  Sorry to disappoint.

When I was just a kid with a newly minted driver’s license I was dropping off my first girlfriend who happened to be of the Caucasian persuasion when I was spotted by a cop. He tailed me from a distance and pulled me over after I dropped her off. Now I was just a kid and I didn’t believe pigs, er cops were really as bad as the rappers and every single black male in my family made them out to be. I sputtered and stuttered said I’d never been in trouble, stated my gpa, church and showed him my honor society membership. He laughed in my face, yanked me out of the car, harassed me and in the end wrote me up for reckless driving and every other moving violation in existence. The point is groveling doesn’t work with cops and it doesn’t work with law school deans, Sallie Mae or anyone else with the power to free you from some crushing debt.

Look, I understand that this idiot was either desperate, giving into a moment of weakness or trying to be funny. Unfortunately it doesn’t matter because either way you gave some asshole dean the personal satisfaction of putting a face and a testimonial to the lives he helps ruin. Think of it. This idiot is tired of the freedoms of academia and now is comparing himself to his friends who are mid-level and senior partners who by now have amassed net worths of $1 million or more. Maybe if he was a federal judge the prestige of poverty would be worth it but not a likely dean. You just made this fool’s day.

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There’s nothing like creeping up on 30, barely out of school and making less than a janitor (they have unions) with mounds of debt, turning on the TV for your 15 minutes of television a week and seeing a teenage barely literate deadbeat high school dropout dad running for mayor. Anger. Then I listened a little closer and realized that this fool was being asked the same damn questions that his almost mother-in-law was asked in 2008. So basically this idiot was at the plate in a Major League Gsme a d he’s allowed to use a tee like in tee-ball (what you play before little league).  The fool answered “I don’t know” to about half the questions. And you know what? He still outperformed a woman who could have been President of the United States. Believe me, I know how to read McCain’s health chart.

So during another brief monthly break I mentor young girls at the Sadie Alexander School.  I asked her what she wanted to do/be when she grew up and she said she wanted to have Lil’ Wayne’s baby. I won’t tell you how old the child was because it will make you cry. I won’t tell you the race either (it’s not the one you think) because you won’t believe me. Now this girl isn’t dumb so I just assumed she was a slut, furthering my argument that sluts are born not made. But now I can see how a student could come to the following conclusion: why spend an additional 10+ years in school working hard to distinguish myself when the chance you have worked so hard for will be given to some idiot who had a child with a famous person? Why graduate high school when you can simply conceive a child with someone you plan to use for personal gain? The child will understand of course and if not they will be rich enough to afford whatever necessary therapy is required.

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President Obama and Retired General Powell each are undertaking laudable efforts to promote education in this country.  Sometimes investing in one’s education means taking on debt. I am undertaking a questionable effort to raise awareness about oppressive student debt that basically amounts to a prison sentence. Sometimes avoiding this debt means delaying or foregoing education. Are these two conflicting goals? I don’t think so. Plus, if they were, would Alpha Man write for a blog that questioned two black leaders of such prominence? Probably not.

Read on to see where I am coming from.

When Obama or Powell say “education” they mean a high school diploma plus MAYBE a two year college degree in some kind of trade (think ITT Tech before they started scalping students).  When I say “education” I mean a highly-specialized graduate degree where pre-2006 you could expect a six figure salary for the foreseeable future after completing the necessary post degree work (research, clerking, residency, exams, etc.) That’s a wide gap. Let’s examine the prospectives.

I do not pruport to be an expert on either of the aforementioned gentlemen. However I do know that Obama worked between college and law school and I believe Powell attended West Point (which is free if you get in). While both Obama and his wife Michelle had student loans they are simply more talented than you and I and being twenty instead of two years removed from school, had much more reasonable debt loads. On the same token as a white suburban kid they had tons of adversity whereas I occasionally overslept the alarm clock and would have to have a cold breakfast…or demand my hot breakfast and feel somewhat guilty as my dad drove me to school. The guilt was minimal.

Also Obama and Powell are concerned with education at a macro-level. Their policies, advocacy and foundations affect millions of students. This blog is concerned with education at a micro-level. The posts are highly anecdotal and meant to warn potential students who far and away have already exceeded the metrics that Obama and Powell are talking about.

There are countless other differences. Obama and Powell are targeting children. This blog targets adults. They command armies. I have a half-dozen surly bloggers. They have lived all over the world. I live in my mother’s basement…

Um, but back to the point. I believe that there is a great deal of overlap in our positions. I support a higher graduation rate. High School is free. Am I in favor of a longer school year? Sure, that’s more free school. Likewise Obama has eliminated alot of the middlemen allowing the Federal Government to loan directly to students.

Now that is not to say we’d agree on everything. Whereas Obama or Powell might tell some kid to follow his dreams Id tell him he’d be better off avoiding his nightmares or more specifically my nightmare. My endless horrid nightmare.

Point is parents, aunts, uncles, older siblings etc. Do not just dismiss what you read here as useless satire. There’s good stuff here and it’s not by any means anti-education.