So, a whole lot has happened.  So much in fact that it’s hard to decide exactly what to write about.  First there is this

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/17/business/law-school-economics-job-market-weakens-tuition-rises.html?_r=1

And if you’re here on this site you are aware of everything in the story linked to above.  What makes it newsworthy is that it’s in the New York Times.  I suppose I should be happy that one of the most widely read newspapers in the world has taken note of my specific plight.  But instead all I did was crack a beer.  Then I cracked another, and another and then I got REAL mad.  Is this how people who see parents murder their children all the time felt when the media found Casey Anthony? And now thanks to the NYT article…well, my life’s still over.  I’ve got this blog, I do my part to help the next generation.  All I am left with his emptiness.

But there’s more.  How about this

http://abovethelaw.com/2011/07/suing-law-schools-potpourri-tidings-from-law-schools-named-after-a-thomas/thomas-cooley-lawsuit-cl/

That’s right.  Kids like me are rising up and suing their law schools.  Read on to hear what I think about that.

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Not much is up. Mike Triforce and I called a truce and he told me how to cheat law review, so I’ll probably end up doing it. Most of us 1Ls at TTTs are dead inside. I was trying to pick up this one girl, a nickel and change, and my game was good but she wasn’t feeling it. She was literally too depressed to drink and fuck. I ended up stealing her phone and when I went to her place to return it (I banged out her roommate awhile back) we ended up hooking up on the couch during A Bridget Jones marathon on TBS. I carried her to bed and in the morning I made her Nyquil waffles (again Triforce) and then banged her out again. I unplugged/turned off her clock, phone and computer and told her roommate she did not want to be disturbed and lied about sleeping with her despite the fact that it had been obvious. I’ll call her tomorrow.

Anyway so I get home and for some reason calculate my loans to date: $277,451. Wow. 300k is on the horizon. It would have been worth it if I had been tagging ass like I am now for the past 8 years. Everytime I have a night like last night I think about what a waste 7 years was at a state school not getting any. Oh well.
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Ever wonder how rich people have such screwed up lives? Particularly rich kids? I mean all you have to do is keep your head down, follow a pre-set plan, maintain the fortune built for you and spend the rest of your time at leisure. Also don’t have kids. But somewhere one gets the idea that one should be successful in one’s one right, to do it one’s one way to get some sort of satisfaction outside of material comfort. Foolish definitely – but quite prevalent. Of course in so doing not only do the rich kids fail at their new endeavor but squander what’s been given to them.

So I got straight As and made Law Review. Yeah. If you recall I drank the semester away, used psychological warfare on fellow classmates and wrote tests ignoring the questions posed but simply regurgitated journal articles they’ve written blended with answers from old tests. Some questions were exactly the same. Now I am in a bit of a quandry. Do I continue with the Debtors Prison inspired plan or do I do my own thing and try and make a traditional go at this whole law school thing?
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This isn’t exactly the season for embracing reality, especially for people of all ages who have but to ask in order to receive. So it’s particularly unremarkable that so many kids are in denial about 1) the size of their debt 2) the ability to earn a paycheck with the skills and degrees acquired with said debt and 3) the ability to earn a large enough paycheck over a large enough period of time to justify said debt taking into account opportunity costs, work/life balance considerations and other life goals. Obviously if our readers fell into this category they wouldn’t be reading our blog. The question is how does this ignorance effect you?

There are several categories to consider when evaluating what a pampered, over-educated and underskilled workforce -what it means for your own job prospects, the country, and your relationships.

What you probably care about most is your own ability to find gainful employment generally and in the field you studied. The net effect is poor. First the glut of these individuals allows employers to be choosy. If there is a younger version of you, you’re out of luck, if there is an unexplained gap in your resume you’re out of luck and regardless of your actual circumstances (injuries, sick or dying family, victim of crime) the assumption will be you were laid off for being the least valuable person in an organization. And this is AFTER you stop looking in vain for a job worthy of your degrees. This is Starbucks/Subway territory.

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So I haven’t written in awhile at Benito’s behest. He said I should be focusing on my exams. I will fill you in on those momentarily but first a quick recap:

I decided to borrow heavily to go to a third-rate law school with a terrible track record at placing grads in jobs after taking seven years and $200,000 to graduate from my state college despite my affiliation with this blog.

Why? Well suppose you were in prison for life and someone said you could be out for three years to drink and whore on someone else’s dime so long as you came back afterward? Why not?
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As you probably noticed with the sporadic posts I’ve had a number of breakdowns of a mental nature over the past two weeks.  One of the many straws upon this poor camel’s back is the fact that KF Li is actually doing pretty well considering he hasn’t earned a single grade or repaid a single dollar of his loans and that leads to no small amount of “I told you so”s.  ANYWAY a pioneer named David Kazzie has been good enough to animate one poor sap’s journey through law school.  I have watched the first two episodes and in my humble opinion it is dead on accurate.  I am putting a link to his site in this post below and you can find the link with the others in the coming days.

http://wahoocorner.blogspot.com/

While I am on the subject, if you read KF Li’s posts you can’t help but realize that his approach to law school is the product of the fact that in-fighting aside, he really has listened to alot of what all of us on this blog have had to say.  In fact, he initially started as a sub-in for Mike Triforce because he noticed KF Li was a sponge for everything he said.  The biggest joke in “So You Want to Go to Law School” is that the protagonist is obviously not listening to anything she is being told.  It’s popularity comes not from it’s teaching utility but from it’s entertainment value in the niche audience of people who have already been duped by the system.

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As you might imagine there isn’t much to occupy my time now that people are going out less and studying more. I found an undergrad who showed me how to scan documents into Word files so I can rip off commercial outlines and distribute them in my study groups. So, with the time on my hands I have come up with some schemes to make myself some cash when the semester ends. I will devote this ones to the legal schemes…get it? Pun intended.

First of course has to do with text books. I found out when and where a set of major exams are occuring at each of the three Universities within easy commuting distance and I am placing a large recepticle outside that says DONATE USED TEXTBOOKS. I will collect them and sell them on E-bay.

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Law School is getting less fun as exams are approaching. Fewer people are going out, they are going out less often, and they are not staying out as long. It’s not a total loss. As the women shed their humanity and feminity they are ending pre-law relationships and sleeping with whatever can drink a 5th of vodka and still maintain an erection. Since nobody else is going out and staying out that, ladies and gentlemen, is usually me.

I know why people are scared. Exams. Nobody who doesn’t crack the top 20% has a shot at a job post graduation. This is scary for people who have never had to live back home and who have never had their lives used as a parable for failure. For me, the worst that can happen is par for the course. What I fear is success.

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I know Mike Triforce doesn’t really go to work ever but I couldn’t help but notice that he spent all day yesterday commenting on ATL, instructing random commenters on everything from how to get a hand job in public to how to cheat on the LSAT. I was somewhat flattered to be honest- obviously Mike Triforce needs a new receptacle for the bullshit he generates on a daily basis. But I need to address the cheating thing.

But first a law school update. It’s going great! This is the best part of first year. It’s way too early to be concerned with outlining but most of the initial fear has worn off. Everyone has been called on and life is just one endless giant mug of beer.

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 am a god here.  No seriously. I am a get-down-on-your-knees seek my favor or fear my wrath god of the old world. And I demand sacrifice. Here are my law school commandments:

1) Remove your name from the seating chart in every class.

They can’t use the Socratic on you if you have no name on their precious, precious seating chart.

2) Get a mod job done on your student ID

My student ID has unlimited access and unlimited funds. An undergrad did this for $200 and Ive already spent at least a grand.

3) Go to each class only once a week

If you’ve ever read a legal blog you know nobody teaches you shit in law school. You need to seem like a rebel by skipping class but you also need to avoid the slacker label. Once a week for any given class works. No more and no less.

4) Go Out Every Night

Especially Sunday. Law School is a crapshoot. Most will fail and some will succeed beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. You want to have a few beers with the latter and the only way to do that is to have a few beers with everyone. Specifically be cool with the Jews, women, Asians and I guess given Obama…

5) Never read

Cases that is. I mean how can you read when you’re going out every night and why would you read when you can’t ever be called on? Rely on commercial outlines and articles written by your professors even if those articles have little to do with the 1L course they are teaching. Ass kissing > accuracy any day of the week.

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