I’ve got alot of pills
And Not a Single Reason Not to Take Them
Suicide? No. Depression.

I can’t explain it
I just want to die
Suicide? No. Mental Illness

I’m me – I can’t not be me
Society says that’s not ok – or worse I am evil
Suicide? No. Collective Murder

I’m me – I can’t not be me
Society says that’s wrong so I keep it a secret. You outed me.
Suicide? No. Murder

Arguably the worst kind. Your ugliness makes me sick.

I know Mike Triforce doesn’t really go to work ever but I couldn’t help but notice that he spent all day yesterday commenting on ATL, instructing random commenters on everything from how to get a hand job in public to how to cheat on the LSAT. I was somewhat flattered to be honest- obviously Mike Triforce needs a new receptacle for the bullshit he generates on a daily basis. But I need to address the cheating thing.

But first a law school update. It’s going great! This is the best part of first year. It’s way too early to be concerned with outlining but most of the initial fear has worn off. Everyone has been called on and life is just one endless giant mug of beer.

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You are not my friend
I don’t learn about my friends
On the Internet

You are a reminder
Of what I could have been
After all our paths crossed once

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So Mike Triforce recently got lit up when he commented on a guest post by Sweet Hot Justice on ATL.  The post consisted of a girl complaining that she was too perfect to date. She made too much money and was too attractive and too much fun to be around. Here at Debtor’s Prison we think you are likely to have a slightly different problem when it comes to meeting relationship material.  Like most of our problems it is a compound quandry. Whereas endless debt can be broken down into borrowing too much for too little and little to no economic opportunity and water can be broken down into hydrogen and oxygen so too can stagnant dating be broken down into friend erosion and of course the constant shame of debt and perceived under achievement.

Because of Benito this blog has a tendency to treat debt and unemployment as two almost interchangeable phenomenons. This is not the case and nowhere is it more evident than dating. One of my favorite analogies is that unemployment is like race and debt is like sexual orientation (aka one is readily discernible while the other can be disguised if one so desires but both are often the cause of discrimination). An unemployed person simply cannot afford the wine/dine entertainment heavy initial phase of dating. A debtor can just put it on his or her credit card and pray.

I think there should be an all encompassing term or score that is derived from one’s employment or lack thereof, age and debt, but that is a topic for another post. The salient point here I think is that if you have trouble meeting people it’s because of friend erosion.

Face it, you’re out of school and there is nothing else quite like it for making friends. If you all don’t go to the same location afterwards you see your friends less. If your friends are somewhere where they are closer to other elements of their circle they become closer to those friends and drift farther away from you. So if you can’t afford to live in Center City like everyone else because of that loan payment or move back to the suburbs because you lost your job well…relationships change. Suddenly you are not tagging along to work happy hours or tapped to escort a friend’s significant other’s friend to a wedding or concert.

And this is the reason this ultimately may be a commentary post as opposed to advice…I have no idea what to do about this. All I can say is that anything you do to try and meet people to fill this gap be it yoga, joining an animal rights group or pretending to follow a sports team will ultimately end in failure.  The WORST thing you can do is join a faith community to meet people. This is stupid because most religions have guidelines about dating AND it’s a horribly disingenuous thing to do.

I would say as things stand now a relationship is most likely to occur in the following situations: 1) doing something you’re ALREADY passionate about 2) doing something that requires alot of sans internet downtime and 3) the internet.  If through debt and/or possible unemployment or underemployment you’ve managed to hold on to your position coaching your nephew’s swim team because you were an All-American in college there’s a chance you might meet a kid’s aunt/uncle/older sibling.  You’ll be in a familiar environment where you hold some authority and that’s your best chance to display the qualities that might attract a mate.  Your next best chance is a situation where you’re just around a certain group of people alot without internet.  Long drives and campaigns come to mind.  Hanging around a bar or convenience store doesn’t count, the proximity must be brought about for some kind of point like getting to a destination, be it physical or political.  Finally there is the internet.  Statistically this is a valid place to look for relationships and you’re not one to look down on anyone.

The worst part of all this is that it shatters another illusion. You thought if you did everything right you’d be ok even in a shitty economy. Well, you wouldn’t be here if you still believed that. You also thought your friendships were based on deep special bonds between unique individuals not simply chance and convenience.

We pray not to be brought to the test because the results are so often heartbreaking.

Here at Debtor’s Prison, we’re not big on posting links within articles.  But here’s one

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/29/your-money/student-loans/29money.html?pagewanted=1&adxnnlx=1275242514-wCTp6UtEV1S1hPtiShkU6Ahttp://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/29/your-money/student-loans/29money.html?pagewanted=1&adxnnlx=1275242514-wCTp6UtEV1S1hPtiShkU6Ahttp://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/29/your-money/student-loans/29money.html?pagewanted=1&adxnnlx=1275242514-wCTp6UtEV1S1hPtiShkU6A

I could respond to this point for point but that wouldn’t be fair to our readers too lazy to click the link and in order to provide themselves with the necessary context SO instead I will give the opposite scenario so my post stands alone.

Johnny and his parents approached college with a grim determination: to get through the process with as little cost and effort as possible.  Like many parents with their own lives Mr. and Mrs. Johnny were anxious to get another body out of the house and college savings weren’t what they could have been if certain cars hadn’t been leased and certain boats hadn’t been purchased.  But you only live once.  Besides, if Johnny possessed any particular gifts there would be scholarships.  There were no scholarships.

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Nothing beats a little good old-fashioned emasculation.  When I asked Benito why he didn’t do me the courtesy of mentioning my ex (who’s pen name is [new guy]’s boyfriend) decided to write a post about how I am a failure his explanation began with “when I was watching the View with mother…” I immediately knew concepts of pride and dignity were a bit out of his grasp.  So allow me to come to my own defense AND offer a little bit of advice to all of you in debtor’s prison: Make New Friends.

Why? Because if your debt has gotten to the point that you are not noticeably as financially successful as your old friends think you should be or if their are more obvious signs (like being out on your ass) your friends are always going to see you through that certain lense. 

Keep going, err reading…

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Hi kids.  So a buddy of mine just got laid off.  He’s in the very early stages of dealing with it.  Right now he is still looking for someone to blame.  It’s a sad situation.  He was supporting his live-in girlfriend who came with a freeloading half-brother with a drug problem and a dog who likes to pee on expensive things.  His folks are down on their luck as well and he was throwing a few dollars to his sister whose still in school and his mom and dad who are trying not to fall further behind on rent.

When I got the news I went into business mode, the way a doctor would if someone told him that they guy two rows over was having a heart attack.  Unlike a doctor though my efforts and expertise were unappreciated.  I was called insensitive and a bunch of other names.  I was reminded that I was still unemployed and the worst possible thing for anyone to imagine was a life that was in any way similar to my own.  Thanks.

But you guys here in Debtor’s Prison need to know what to do when the ax falls.  Because we are emotional creatures its impossible to have the conversation once you actually do lose your job (just like you can’t take Karate lessons once you’re being mugged).  So without further ado here is how you survive a layoff 1) move 2) get unemployment and 3) defer your loans.  More details after the break.

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[Original content temporarily suspended as a professional courteousy until the ethical investigation is complete. Older posts that failed to make the original cut will be rotated and substituted. If you have any questions, thoughts, concerns and most importantly if you need a copy of the ORIGINAL POST please contact nick@debtorsprison.com]

I am at the top (or close to it) and the last thing I need is your worthless hide obstructing my view. Say what you want about law firms but they have their structure right. I’m not here to be mentored or do any mentoring. Teaching some one else only dilutes your own value. The only reason to help anyone ever is immediate convenience. That’s why the Princess has a key to the apartment. Any successful person who tells you different is creating a facade so you are not in a position to retaliate when you’re cast aside.  You think I worry about my job? Please.  Those frazzled fat partners need me like they need the hierarchy (caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and strange sex).  My billables pay for all of that. 

Not only will I climb a ladder and then kick it over when I get to the top, I will pull someone over the side who extends a hand. You think that’s wrong? Go join your friends in the unemployment line. Say hi to Benito for me.

This principle is also true in social settings. Read on to find out why.

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Before my wings melted I thought I had friends. Then I plummeted into the sea of debt and I saw them for what they were: dogs who chose their supper dish over protecting their fallen guardian. Their silent mantra “no man fallen acknowledged.”

I can still see them. Food falling from their mouths as they loudly smack upon their undeserved carrion.  They stand over me, morsels caught in their matted fur and proclaim loudly that I’m not there. That I’m not them. They stoop to lick the rotten meat out of my eye.

My wounds close but do not heal. I have one good eye and good leg. I hobble on a cain. I see a pack of greasy mutts about to descend on one such as I was. I support my weight on my good leg. I swing my cane and roar. The scavengers flee save one who looks up and says my name.

I tell him to move away from the fallen but he insists there is nothing there. I swing my cane. My strength returns with each blow. My eye patch falls away. I see not a dog, but worse, a person with no empathy.