*sigh* Countless people who don’t read our blog but know of it flooded our Facebook and twitter accounts with messages like this one “Didja seeee what Congress did?! Are ya gonna write about it?!” Each time we said yes just to see if anyone would actually follow up. We said we’d write an article if anyone ever did. Guess what?

But here at Debtors Prison we believe that if someone writes the truth and nobody reads it, it’s still righteous. And the truth is that 1) any fool could tell you Congress wouldn’t act 2) the difference in interest rates wouldn’t help the vast majority of us 3) we’ve reached a new stage where even a dramatic decrease in PRINCIPLE OWED would be meaningless to a lot of us.

Wow, Congress couldn’t agree on something? Really?? Remember last summer when Congress refused to maintain reasonable interest on the country’s own debt by forcing the first ever downgrade in our credit rating? Yeah and you thought they were gonna help YOU out? Ha!

And did someone forget we’re just talking about interest? The rate at which your debt is GROWING. Think of it like this. You’re running behind a train a quarter-mile ahead of you and its MAINTAINING it’s 38 mile per hour speed and original destination instead of accelerating to 60 something going someplace farther away. That’s all an extension would have done folks.

And see, here’s the kicker. For a lot us even principle forgiveness, substantial principle forgiveness, isn’t going to do the trick. I’m 32 years old. I have nothing to show for my first decade and change of working. I have no house, investments, car, miscellaneous possessions or marketable skills. I work in the cash-based service industry and couldn’t switch to regular credit cards and bank accounts because I also can’t afford to pay taxes. I haven’t paid a student loan in years so it affects my cash flow not at all. My student debt is becoming as meaningless as the National Debt.

Finally my mindset is all messed up. I look at homes and children as something people used to do in the 1950’s. I
think that knowing what you are going to make any given month is impossible without omnipotence or time travel. I consider education a mistake like drunk driving. I think of a successful relationship as one that provides sex, companionship and pooled resources with an acceptable amount of risk re: emotional attachment or falling for the illusion of permanence.

It’s…too late for me and it’s too late for countless others.

Recently I came across this article from cracked basically stating that shit is harder than you think and the reason the world is messed up is that we have unrealistic expectations because movies like the Karate Kid make us think that becoming good at something takes five minutes because that’s how long it takes in real time in fictional stories. Ummm, ok.

I am not going to point out the irony of a man who gets paid to comment on pop-culture writing an article about how difficult life is when he is part of the creative class, who essentially won the lottery of getting to do something mildly enjoyable for pay, regardless of how meager that pay actually is.  I mean hell, I am writing this for free and I have to be at work in an hour.  Instead, I want to point to the real lesson here: hard work is not as correlated with success as we’re taught to believe.

My boss does not work hard.  He was unremarkable in high school and college, made arbitrary decisions and started looking for jobs when the economy was good.  He’s not particularly charming, an above average liar and is pretty good at selling clients shit they don’t need (but no better than your average used car salesman).  He also happened to support a number of people who got forced out, taking their place in their absence. My boss, like the countless folks we all know who have worked their asses off with nothing to show for it, is not unique.

I wanted to write this because I am tired of having people throw the old “good is not good enough” crap in my face and folks who are similarly situated. I get the “stop bitching about your loans the world doesn’t owe you anything” all the time. This however is worse.  The previous comment = life’s not fair which by definition must mean that occasionally the world isn’t fair in someone’s favor.  THIS is more like “stop bitching about your student loans the world always rewards those who work, you’re just not working hard enough.”  Really?

Look people, hard work is like chocolate chips and success is like cookies.  Chocolate chips are a common ingredient in cookies, but they do not alone a cookie make and there are plenty of cookies without them.  What makes a good cookie usually is a good recipe.  The more nuanced and detailed the better. What makes a good life is a good plan.  The more nuanced and detailed the better.

That was our mistake folks.  Our plan to borrow money, go to school, and get a decent job was flawed.  We missed the nuances of the economy and job market and we overlooked the details of what it would cost to pay them back.  Our psychological problem isn’t that we had unrealistic expectations of how hard we had to work to get where we wanted to be, it’s that we thought we were being risk averse by doing what our parents wanted.  If our plan had been to become an actor or professional athlete I think we could all rest a little easier with things not working out because we took a calculated risk.

Fast forwarding ahead does it make sense, as the cracked article would suggest, that I work twice as hard instead of having a glass of Chardonnay after leaving work early and curling up with my Karate Kid DVD? Maybe, if my boss wasn’t a childhood friend who enjoys rubbing my face in his success and hence will never promote me. Does that mean I just give up and spend all my time whining? Maybe, if more people read this blog and I could eek out a living.  Instead I think I will come up with a better, more nuanced plan.

Game on

We were warned about this when we were children, it’s in Aesop’s Fables. Fortunately due to our crippling debt we’ll never have families.  There is always the chance of a contraception mishap but now that I’m on the other side of 30 I don’t really see that happening. But I digress.  The Tortoise and the Hare.  The way I read this story now is that we are Hares, the Tortoises are our idiot peers who coasted through high school and their state University of choice, only to end up managing us after we went into debt earning useless degrees that don’t land us jobs in this economy. I mean when you think about it, these ignoramuses who can drink a keg and not fall over are the epitome of “slow and steady.”

But seriously, let’s look at the Economics of this. In addition to reading children’s picture books I also have read the Wall Street Journal as of late. The article pointed out that the number 1 indicator of future success is the state of the economy your first 2-3 years of working. Kids who enter the job market in a recession NEVER recover to the point of other classes no matter how good they are or how fast they run.

So while you were borrowing 30k+ a year to go to grad school your idiot neighbor with a BA in political intrigue (because it makes him sound like a spy) was already earning 42k a year, which was 60k with no debt by the time the economy slid into the toilet.  Meanwhile you graduated to nothing with six figure debt.  3-5 years later, you consider yourself lucky (at first) to be getting 40k a year which isn’t even the STARTING salary of your idiot friend with none of your credentials, and by now he’s making six figures, thanks to the 15% raises he kept getting even after the economy sunk because by then he had “experience.”

For your own sanity’s sake my first recommendation is that you disassociate as much as you can socially from the idiot drawing six figures.  I know its tough if the individual REALLY IS your boss, but to the extent possible try and avoid looking at their smug, ugly, condescending face. Oh and drink. Otherwise you’ll find yourself planning an office shooting.

For those of you who are not completely broken, there is…well, hope is a strong word.  You have a chance, let’s put it at that. Just remember a couple of things 1) this idiot is still an idiot 2) stop playing their game 3) the secret to success is non-wage based income.

First, your idiot friend is still an idiot.  And he lives in a completely different world than you.  There was no recession for this kid. He will still borrow heavily to buy the perfect house.  He has car payments. He won’t pick up a tab at a bar and he’ll charge you $20 to chip in for alcohol at his house, but all the expensive toys you just spent $20 and an evening you’ll never get back to look at…the gym equipment he never uses and the music equipment he hopefully never uses, that’s all him.  Let’s not forget the idiot spouse and did I mention this fool has kids on purpose? Things might just even out due to the miracle of Regular debt.

Second, you need to stop playing their game.  This means two basic things.  First, you are never going to have the trappings of a middle class life, such as home ownership, a car seven years old or less, children, or savings. Second, you are not going to get promoted at your current job or get a better job similar to the job you have (in terms of utilizing the same skillset). This means if you are working hard at your day job, you’re doing life wrong.  Your new motto needs to be “do what it takes not to get fired.”  Do this and watch other smart people like you get fired for embarrassing their idiot boss, emerging as a threat, or just constantly being in high risk situations.

Third, non-wage based income. Continue to live like a filthy student, decide once and for-all if you are going to aggressively pay down your debt or default, and then sink every penny you make into some kind of investment, whether its buying a fleet of food trucks, flipping houses, or selling junk you find on e-bay. It’s the only way really.

Our nap was called “grad school” and it proved fatal in this race.  For the rematch the now wealthy tortoise has paid his goons to do a number on our legs with a crowbar.  Now the only way to win is to take a traditionally thought of as risky path now that the tortoise is all risk-averse because he has something to lose.

But please for the love of god people, don’t go back to sleep.  Another degree is not the answer.

One of the great things about moving to a new place is I get to move the age back a couple of years. I’m 23 again and back to sleeping almost exclusively with co-eds. I tell them I graduated law school when I was 19, and hence missed out on the college experience. I tell them law is just a stepping stone for running for office and that my grandfather was a Senator and BAM! I’m back in a twin bed poking a college sophomore who has zero expectations about having an orgasm.  It’s great to be me.

My encyclopedic knowledge of pop-culture, my spikey blonde hair and my electric blue Mustang aren’t the reason I am able to do this.  It’s the physique. I realized the other day I don’t even know how good I look because I am used to seeing myself every day.  I can’t imagine what it must be like for a girl to see me for the first time. I was slow getting out of a conquest’s bed one morning and ended up running into and then sleeping with the roommate, which wouldn’t have been remarkable except for the fact that it started a war between them with each battle getting more and more kinky.

I make $220k now.  It’s not great, particularly since I have to go into the office several times a week now. However, the great thing about DC is that it’s the last town in this country where nobody ever bottom lines you aka “How much are you worth?” DC may be the last place in America where the bottom line is still who your grandfather was and not who you yourself are. The Aristocracy is alive and well, and that’s why my $220k is sufficient.

But don’t think I don’t read the other posts on this blog. I came across one while I was sitting in Starbucks about living for free.  I figured hey, I like free shit. So I posted something on one of the boards at GW and Georgetown, and before I know it I am offered a FREE room in the quarters of none other than the Spanish diplomat to the United States. And hell no I don’t speak Spanish.

I keep a lie journal so I remember what I have said and when.  Remember my fictional Senator Grandfather? I had the good sense to use a real name.  Turns out he sponsored an obscure bill to help out our brothers and sisters in Mexico, and as one might expect the Mexican leadership at the time still had ties to Spain.

So in addition to hitting co-eds I am about to add the frustrated often non-English speaking wives of diplomats to my ass menu, not to mention all of the help employed at this and similar mansions located in this swank gated neighborhood. I might also start depositing my check in Spain to give the IRS the run around now that I don’t have a traceable address.

Mike Triforce is back. I might even bring back the word: BOO-YAH!

It’s been a while.  When you’re a doctor you end up saying that a lot, especially around friends. Like most black folk, after the initial rage at the Trayvon shooting subsides we reflect on our lives and blessings start thinking about other shit we’re mad about. Mine is health disparities.  Perhaps they are related.  I mean if you had a statistical reason to believe that any meal could be your last before being gunned down by a cop or being wrongfully incarcerated perhaps chicken and ribs would be an appropriate diet.   I have no idea what Simon eats (I am a lousy girlfriend) but subconsciously I am sure I don’t worry about it as much because he’s white. How messed up is that?

As I slave away at my fellowship, becoming a full-fledged doctor in my chosen field is within site.  But I am 32. And I am still poor.  My finance major friends are at a point where there investments yield interest that is equivalent to my salary.  But hey, at least I am helping people right? Well sorta.  Patients.  One at a time. Who would be helped by someone else who would have gotten this spot in this fellowship if I didn’t exist.  I would have preferred to work in policy where my work had the potential to help many people and couldn’t have been accomplished by some other shmuck willing to stay in school until they were 40.

I talked to my Mom about this once.  Going into public health.  She replied that a B+ inorganic chemistry was no big deal (in fact it was and I lost the car for a semester).  I mentioned the same thing to my dad who referred me back to my mother. But taking up Benito’s mantle of re-inventing oneself I decided, at this EXTREMELY late time in the game to go back and see if it wasn’t too late.

It’s too late.  Public health folks, particularly those who work closely with Medicaid and other programs don’t much care for doctors.  That’s because Medicaid doesn’t reimburse doctors at as high a rate as private insurance and doctors are forever bitching about it.

Now as I said, I’m poor.  I’ll be 35 before I start making six figures. My financial friends have been making close to seven and my lawyer friends are either dead or close to making partner. It’s time for me to get mine, and hell yes I picked my specialty based on the number of routine procedures I knew insurance wouldn’t question and hell yes I’ll run some unnecessary tests and hell yes I do have my first Mercedes picked out.

When I met a friend from college who still views me as a person and not a doctor we finally got down to some real talk.  Med  school is too long, but it ain’t like law school where you can just lop off a year and nothing happens. To make the medical path shorter college (and perhaps even high school) would need to be severely truncated. Also the government needs to pick up that tab for schooling and offer us docs a couple tax credits on the back end.

But its whatever.  Nothing puts a single death in context like thinking about millions of deaths.  The Supreme Court is about to condemn millions to death because they have a grudge against the President. At least Trayvon’s killer has to live in hiding. Those evil, faux-pious bastards will be lauded for their despicable ruling. I also love how six hours of oral argument over three days is a huge deal and they complain that going through the entire law EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE CLERKS.  But again, it’s whatever.  It’s not like lives are at stake. Oh wait.  Wow, I really hate them.

As a hoodie-wearing, ultra-liberal young black man with an afro and a faded Obama t-shirt I often get asked to comment on the Trayvon Martin case.  However, rarely am I asked in the context of someone actually trying to learn something, I am asked in the context of someone who wants to start an argument, usually something Gingrich or Hannity-esque, along the lines of a young person was shot by an over zealous community watch type person who thought he was a member of the Watchmen.  If only that were the case.  As it turns out Trayvon Martin’s murder was a hate crime committed by George Zimmerman in conjunction with the Sanford County Police Department.  It is unique only in the carelessness of the murderer and his police department accomplice.  Finally, and here is why it is on the blog, millions of young black men go to college to 1) help create a world where things like this don’t happen and 2) try and avoid this fate themselves.

While I don’t have a conservative screaming in my ear, let’s review what happened.  A regular citizen, with no official authority whatsoever and a criminal record clearly states his intention to follow and aggressively confront another citizen whom he suspects not of being in the midst of criminal activity, but of being a criminal, simply because of his race.  This citizen turns out to be an unarmed child who the regular citizen, a grown man almost twice the weight of said child, then guns down.

Stop right there.  Here are the details that make this particular occurrence unusual.  First, the caller uses racial slurs. Second, AFTER the killing, nothing is planted on the victim.  No gun, no drugs, no knife, no jewelry, not even a spork from the convenience store.  Third, the victim (at least as far as we know) never had any documented run-in with the police and Fourth, the officer presiding over the case was known not to prosecute the assault and murder of undesirables (like the homeless) for sport. From a machiavellian standpoint it is easy to see how this could have happened and none of us would have ever heard about it…like it actually does everyday.

More on what this had to do with college and debt after the jump

So conservatives and white people with the warm and fuzzies because we have a black President that they voted for so they could tell all their friends how not racist they are rush to portray this as an isolated incident with the least credible among them also trying to contend that their is no racial element.  Now of course we know in the black community this is foolishness.  We’ve thought of the “criminal justice” system as the “oppression lottery” system for hundreds of years.  The question is, what to do about it? It used to be higher education.  That’s not so much the answer anymore.

We all remember the Professor Gates scandal that led to the President sharing a beer with an old friend and a racist cop.  Now, if a Harvard professor can be arrested in his own home, this should teach us, DESPITE THE FACT that our current President got to the White House primarily through academia that education in and of itself is not the answer.  Carrying your Ivy-League diploma in your back pocket will not keep a fat white stranger from shooting you in the face because of the color of your skin, admitting to it, and unlike even the Emmett Till murderers, not even be arrested.  Think about that for a moment, almost sixty years after Emmett Till, with a black President, we…can’t…even…get…an…arrest.

Now, I am not advocating that kids drop out of school or don’t go to college because what’s the point, the Klan is coming for me and I might as well smoke up and drink until then. My point is that the plan needs tweaking.

Instead of

1) Study Hard. 2) Get into an Ivy-League or top-ranked college 3) borrow whatever it takes to get there 4) Major in Liberal Arts, preferably African-American studies while never volunteering in the community, working, or reading anything on my own 5) Hope to get a job that doesn’t require or isn’t helped by my degree in a predominantly white institution and if that fails repeat steps 1-5 in a non-technical graduate school

We should

1) Study Hard. 2) Pick a career path based on the development of specific marketable skills 3) Get into colleges known for developing those skills and pick one that is in-state, has a generous scholarship program or is an HBCU 4) Major in something concrete while volunteering in your community and picking up books about your history and reading them on your own time 5) Apply for jobs in your area of technical expertise 6) Learn the business so you can start your own OR have profitable side ventures OR invest in whatever your “reach” career might have been, such as writing, acting, etc.

Because at the end of the day it’s not the education that society responds to assign value to a human life. It’s the money.

In my last post I talked about how it is impossible for heavily indebted students with fancy degrees to hold normal jobs because the rest of the world hates and resents us. Well it’s true, and there is really nothing you can do about it after you’ve taken on the debt, gotten the degree, and fallen off the narrow path of career advancement necessary to be at the top of your field. However you CAN avoid a common trap that I’ve fallen into: regular debt.

There is a tendency once you’ve accepted the fact that you’re not going to be special to feel entitled to being normal. You stop showing up to work early and working on the weekends. You go out on Wednesday nights.  You buy stuff you see your friends buying. And what’s $500 balance on a credit card? You owe 250 times that amount in student debt AND credit card debt is dischargeable.

At first things are fine. Nobody notices that you’re hung over Thursday mornings. People start calling you a “team player.” You stop dreaming of an X5 and get that Nissan Murano. You begin to confuse colleagues and friends.

Now here is where things begin to turn. Back when you considered yourself better than these people and it was chic to be poor (so you could justify future extravagances to yourself) you always paid off your credit card bill each month. The reason this became conventional wisdom is as lost to you as the reasoning behind going to a good school. And look how well that turned out. The problem is of course the interest rate – and the fact you rely more heavily on credit because the people you think are your friends now don’t have student loans YET (wait for it) still have ENORMOUS regular debt loads.

Think about that. The meaningless, trifling, shiftless existence you thought of as your floor in life actually requires debt financing by your idiot co-workers who are less qualified yet further advanced at your crappy company than you.

I forgot this lesson and now I have plenty of regular debt to go with my student debt.

My name is Erin Samus and I am a graduate of a top 10 private university.  I compounded that mistake by attending law school briefly, but I turned my life around. I dropped out of law school even though I made Law Review and got a job as a paralegal. Four years later I was in the top 70% of earners from my graduating year. One year ago I took a job as a business analyst for a mid-major consulting firm. I still had debt but I figured I would gradually pay it off as my salary increased and I got promoted.

But I didn’t get promoted. If anything I am lower on the totem pole thanks to several reshufflings of the firm’s official hierarchy. I learned salary “adjustments” were essentially pay cuts. I worked harder and this only made it worse. I watched as youthful misfits were promoted over me.

One day as I was fetching donuts and being casually sexually harassed I noticed the degree on the wall of my boss’s boss. State.

Over the next month I casually inquired after all my admin team’s leadership and there was a lot of State with a smattering of Tech and every now and then an A&M. One joined the military at 16, retired at 36 and was an Executive at 39 looking 29. He had no high school degree. Prior to learning this I flirted with him.

We expect to be able to enter the normal world as Ivy league graduates once our dreams don’t pan out. That world is forever closed to us. Our options are President or barista, and not managing barista but Jr. Barista. We pay for our degrees multiple times. First with debt and second with the scorn of the outside world.

To Get Out of Debt Make New Friends

We make new friends and let old relationships die at many stages in life. At every new school for instance you make new friends and realize who in your life when no longer convenient you miss about as much as that random Mountain Dew flavor you loved one summer but now can’t remember. It’s natural.

The Problem with Debtor’s Prison is that it’s solitary. You are largely isolated from other inmates. What’s worse, you have unlimited access to your family and former close friends and you get a front row seat as their respect for you dies. What you need is new friends.

In order to make new friends you must engage in an activity with the potential to help others. Since pursuing a first rate education and joining the military are options whose ships have sunk and sailed respectively I would suggest volunteering for about 20 hours a week. You will meet new people, help keep your own shitty life in perspective and redefine yourself in the eyes of those from your old life who you are forced to interact with.

Also do not take the death of lifelong friendships with people you would have died for once upon a time personally. Think back to when your friend circle started dating. Maybe you were the asshole who wouldn’t speak to your boys in front of your girl or maybe you got left behind but the point is things changed. Well, now they changed again.

What does all this have to do with debt? Well, obviously making new friends volunteering and protesting costs less than going to bars and movies with friends. Whereas new friends will respect you and tell you about jobs your old friends are doing the same thing with your resume as people you’ve never met and never heard from. Also new friends inspire self-employment ventures while old friends remind you of past failures as indicative of the worth of any new idea you might have.

Make new friends.

Ahhhhhh March! The depressing Winter is almost over.  Here at Debtor’s Prison there is a lot going on after our Occupy Movement Hiatus.

First, for you writers out there check out

www.firstbookdeal.blogspot.com

for great advice on getting a traditional book deal.  Also, if you already have a manuscript and are looking more seriously at getting published visit their professional site at

www.firstbookdeal.com

Next, remember to check out media for short stories and animated shorts as well as political for thoughts on what is going on in the country.

Also more advice about how to get out of, not merely avoid, student debt.

Happy Almost Spring!