Recently I came across this article from cracked basically stating that shit is harder than you think and the reason the world is messed up is that we have unrealistic expectations because movies like the Karate Kid make us think that becoming good at something takes five minutes because that’s how long it takes in real time in fictional stories. Ummm, ok.

I am not going to point out the irony of a man who gets paid to comment on pop-culture writing an article about how difficult life is when he is part of the creative class, who essentially won the lottery of getting to do something mildly enjoyable for pay, regardless of how meager that pay actually is.  I mean hell, I am writing this for free and I have to be at work in an hour.  Instead, I want to point to the real lesson here: hard work is not as correlated with success as we’re taught to believe.

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One of the great things about moving to a new place is I get to move the age back a couple of years. I’m 23 again and back to sleeping almost exclusively with co-eds. I tell them I graduated law school when I was 19, and hence missed out on the college experience. I tell them law is just a stepping stone for running for office and that my grandfather was a Senator and BAM! I’m back in a twin bed poking a college sophomore who has zero expectations about having an orgasm.  It’s great to be me.

My encyclopedic knowledge of pop-culture, my spikey blonde hair and my electric blue Mustang aren’t the reason I am able to do this.  It’s the physique. I realized the other day I don’t even know how good I look because I am used to seeing myself every day.  I can’t imagine what it must be like for a girl to see me for the first time. I was slow getting out of a conquest’s bed one morning and ended up running into and then sleeping with the roommate, which wouldn’t have been remarkable except for the fact that it started a war between them with each battle getting more and more kinky.

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In my last post I talked about how it is impossible for heavily indebted students with fancy degrees to hold normal jobs because the rest of the world hates and resents us. Well it’s true, and there is really nothing you can do about it after you’ve taken on the debt, gotten the degree, and fallen off the narrow path of career advancement necessary to be at the top of your field. However you CAN avoid a common trap that I’ve fallen into: regular debt.

There is a tendency once you’ve accepted the fact that you’re not going to be special to feel entitled to being normal. You stop showing up to work early and working on the weekends. You go out on Wednesday nights.  You buy stuff you see your friends buying. And what’s $500 balance on a credit card? You owe 250 times that amount in student debt AND credit card debt is dischargeable.

At first things are fine. Nobody notices that you’re hung over Thursday mornings. People start calling you a “team player.” You stop dreaming of an X5 and get that Nissan Murano. You begin to confuse colleagues and friends.
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My name is Erin Samus and I am a graduate of a top 10 private university.  I compounded that mistake by attending law school briefly, but I turned my life around. I dropped out of law school even though I made Law Review and got a job as a paralegal. Four years later I was in the top 70% of earners from my graduating year. One year ago I took a job as a business analyst for a mid-major consulting firm. I still had debt but I figured I would gradually pay it off as my salary increased and I got promoted.

But I didn’t get promoted. If anything I am lower on the totem pole thanks to several reshufflings of the firm’s official hierarchy. I learned salary “adjustments” were essentially pay cuts. I worked harder and this only made it worse. I watched as youthful misfits were promoted over me.

One day as I was fetching donuts and being casually sexually harassed I noticed the degree on the wall of my boss’s boss. State.
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To Get Out of Debt Make New Friends

We make new friends and let old relationships die at many stages in life. At every new school for instance you make new friends and realize who in your life when no longer convenient you miss about as much as that random Mountain Dew flavor you loved one summer but now can’t remember. It’s natural.

The Problem with Debtor’s Prison is that it’s solitary. You are largely isolated from other inmates. What’s worse, you have unlimited access to your family and former close friends and you get a front row seat as their respect for you dies. What you need is new friends.
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Ahhhhhh March! The depressing Winter is almost over.  Here at Debtor’s Prison there is a lot going on after our Occupy Movement Hiatus.

First, for you writers out there check out

www.firstbookdeal.blogspot.com

for great advice on getting a traditional book deal.  Also, if you already have a manuscript and are looking more seriously at getting published visit their professional site at

www.firstbookdeal.com

Next, remember to check out media for short stories and animated shorts as well as political for thoughts on what is going on in the country.

Also more advice about how to get out of, not merely avoid, student debt.

Happy Almost Spring!

I have been asked to comment on the recent NY Times piece: To Be Black at Stuyvesant High.  Below are my thoughts:

Even the great Mike Triforce has a learning curve. K Street is not South Street my friends. I can’t just drop the top on my ’stang and fill it with those who turn and smile when I slap their ass. Believe me I tried.

After striking out I was so desperate for ass I almost called the Princess and made her drive down from Philly. But then I know she would have insisted on staying the night. Then I’d wake up with fresh melon and “I love you” written in yogurt. What kind of skank calls that breakfast? Hint: Apply heat to protein. Batter+Butter = good.

All that changed when I got an assignment from the lobbying group and went to the Hill. I recognized a bro from my frat working in one some obscure Congressman’s office and he told me that here money is assumed, and it’s all about power based on your relationships with congressman and White House execs.
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We do two things here at Debtor’s Prison, warn folks about student debt and try and provide some distraction, comic relief. It may come as a shock that we also try and counsel people about getting OUT of the huge messes they find themselves in. While we are not going to delve into any of these steps in detail in this post you have options:
-Live rent free
-Eat free
-Maintain a cash-only existence
-Renegotiate private loans
-Apply for Federal Loan forgiveness
-Pay student debt with dischargeable debt
-Ask for assistance
- Sell Whatever you can find on the Internet
- Start a business that requires little capital that relies heavily on technology
- Do what orphans do

Here are some things that don’t work

-Lawsuits
-More education, additional degrees
-Not taking jobs that don’t require your highest degree
-Putting the loan on direct pay and forgetting about them
-Paying what you can when you can
-Fraud or other crimes

There is one thing you MUST do.  You must make and adhere to a plan whether its as simple as a strict budget or as drastic as going off the grid. Think of yourself as a soldier returning home from war only to find the life he knew is gone and the real battle is forging a new one.

So short stories didn’t quite take off like we were hoping before the whole “Occupy” thing, but we’re reviving it! Here is another fiction work from another young author, Dr. Luigi.

Ferhad Ammad was at his own wedding reception in the coat room with his pants still around his ankles.  If he took two steps to the left he would be able to see his virginal bride still on the dance floor doing a mix of the electric slide and a similar dance from the Old Country.  Beside him stood his mistress, Marissa Hilton, adjusting her dress and trying to erase the obvious signs of what just took place.

“I hope you can still perform tonight,” said Hilton.  “Of course, if she really is a virgin she won’t know the difference or she’ll blame herself.”

Ammad couldn’t believe what he had done.  He hadn’t been married for five hours and it had been less than 24 since he’d last been with Hilton.  He almost didn’t notice when Hilton handed him something which he hastily stuffed into his pocket.  Ammad proceeded to get very drunk that night and passed out immediately upon being alone with his bride, Lana Yousef.  So nervous was he about his deceit that he did not consummate his marriage until the last night of his honeymoon and by then his wife had a very noticeable complex about her desirability.

“I found this in your pocket when I was returning your tuxedo,” said Yousef.  “What is this?”

Ammad immediately recognized it as the piece of paper Hilton had given him.  It read:

I will require a monthly allowance of $2,500 plus all expenses related to visitation.  You will make yourself available on four dates of the year of my choosing with at least two week’s notice.  You will reserve a holiday of my choosing.  Reasonable accommodations can be made for your schedule at the hospital.  A first time fee of $5,000 will be charged for failure to meet any of the above and a $10,000 fee after that. Interest is compiled monthly at 11%.

MH

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