People, I look good. I was just looking at some pictures of myself from a 4th of July party.  I mean I look spectacular. Paparazzi would have to follow me for weeks just to even have a chance at a bad shot. You know who looks terrible though? These Bush era big oil attorneys testifying in front of Congress. They are wrinkly, pale, flabby and have the stink of deceit on them. Haven’t they ever heard of face men?

Then it hit me. That’s where my next job is – big oil. If defending rich individual murderers gets you paid then imagine how much bank is in defending industrial murderers? AAAnnnd you don’t have to spend years in the DAs office working for slave wages.

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It’s your man KF Li here. As you all know it is my ambition to follow in the illustrious footsteps of Mike Triforce – innovator, artist and JD (Just Dollaz). The first step was filling in for him. The second was…applying to law school! And I got in! What’s Good SUCKAS?! And I have to say it was remarkably easy. But you know what the best part is? Once again suckling at the teet of Student Loans – oh yeah it’s easy to knock them when you are paying them back, but when you are SPENDING that money?! Wow it’s like having monopoly money and I’m the banker!

Read on to learn the schools I got accepted to and learn how else I applied the lessons of Mike Triforce to get where I am today.

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Two short months in and already I’m taking a…break let’s call it. I think I waited at least four months at the firm before taking off for a vacation, at least an official one anyway. But I digress. Listen up people. This may be the last time you here from me for awhile so pay attention. I am the ONLY inmate of Debtor’s Prison pulling six figures who goes to work in an office where everyone wears a coat and tie. I of course am above the dress code. I dress down to keep the women at the firm, particularly bosses off me and haven’t cut my hair in six months…but that only makes me sexier in their eyes, and even the bulkiest of sweaters can’t hide abs so perfect they resemble granite slabs like those found in the Ark of the Covenant. And that’s why I am getting the Ten Commandments tattooed on my stomach.

And speaking of the Ten Commandments This post takes issue with one: the prohibition on coveting. For those religious types let’s call this a Mike Triforce re-interpretation: don’t want what your neighbor has, want something better.
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A wise man once said “Tell the truth, it’s easier.” Notice how I didn’t day a rich man or a powerful man. Truth be told lying is a skill and discipline like any other- the skill of remembering what you said and when. Therefore even a skilled liar needs to craft lies in such a way that they are filed in your subconscious in an orderly fashion.  This is a matter of life or death for me.  What if my hours were ever questioned? That’s not the best example because my firms don’t care if their clients are taken for a ride so long as its making them rich.  Conversely, if my client cared about its attorneys padding the bill they wouldn’t have come to my firm.  Man I love my job!

Student Loans are the glue that hold so many lies together – from refusing an invitation on an expensive trip or making an excuse for not getting a wedding gift to the deeper lies we tell ourselves that allow us to rationalize our own self-interested behavior. I have to do horrible things to retroactively pay for 4-7 years of drunken debauchery because mummy and daddoms wouldn’t!

I’m paid to lie and I am fabulous at it (though I lie to bosses and clients almost as much as I lie on behalf of them). But even I make mistakes. Read on to find out how I slipped up.

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So there has been alot of whining mixed with stretched basketball references lately. Yours truly made a killing betting on the winningest coach in the game because life isn’t always a popularity contest. Made five grand actually, more than Benito will make during the current administration.

As I was getting bottle service at my favorite spot I had a rare defeatist thought: what’s five grand when you owe 190k? This thought was so vexing I left before consuming even a second bottle of champagne. I even tipped the valet (normally I consider it a privilege to drive my car and if anything I should get a tip). Almost immediately I hit someone.

Find out what I did and what I should have done (aka read on)

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It’s your man KF Li here.  After a brief hiatus I am back to make amends for my “pass/fail” remark.  First however let me just say this: if states differ on whether a JD is even required, and the bar is different in each state, I don’t think its a stretch that some states would have a pass fail bar and others wouldn’t.  Medical boards you get scores…but whatever.  Bottom line is I can become a lawyer in California for six dollars worth of late fees from a public library and whatever it costs to take the bar.  I assume like the SATs the fee is minimal and waivable for economic hardship.  I don’t think you even need an undergrad degree.  So…to the “real” writers, Mike Triforce included, how’s that debt treating you? I’ve met my fair share of lawyers.  The bar can’t be all that hard.

But without further ado here’s the confession: I’ve never had a girlfriend.  Read on to find out why I don’t care and why Benito has no friends on facebook.

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I am at the top (or close to it) and the last thing I need is your worthless hide obstructing my view. Say what you want about law firms but they have their structure right. I’m not here to be mentored or do any mentoring. Teaching some one else only dilutes your own value. The only reason to help anyone ever is immediate convenience. That’s why the Princess has a key to the apartment. Any successful person who tells you different is creating a facade so you are not in a position to retaliate when you’re cast aside.  You think I worry about my job? Please.  Those frazzled fat partners need me like they need the hierarchy (caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and strange sex).  My billables pay for all of that. 

Not only will I climb a ladder and then kick it over when I get to the top, I will pull someone over the side who extends a hand. You think that’s wrong? Go join your friends in the unemployment line. Say hi to Benito for me.

This principle is also true in social settings. Read on to find out why.

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I could have gone to an ivy league school. I could have earned the grades and the test scores but to do so would have been to foresake my first love: music. Likewise I could have attained the slightly higher degree of technical profficiency to be competitive at a school for music but then I wouldn’t have had a very well rounded education. Finally I could have taken a few extra classes, spent less time in Europe and graduated three years earlier with my class. But then I just would have gotten some job, probably have been laid off and hence be just as depressed and pathetic as you saps. Now whose made bad decisions?

Believe it or not individuals have been critical of the decisions I have made over the years. When I read the link posted by Erin all I could do was laugh. Let me tell you why your man KF Li continues to set the curve for success.

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I got into the office uncharacteristically early because the Princess’ foghorn-like snoring kept waking me up. I stumbled upon this link (Link, get it?) from ATL

http://abovethelaw.com/2010/03/mutiny_at_mayer_brown.php#comments

For those too lazy to follow the link two kids who got deferred from their law firm made a stink about it. Over 300 comments followed, most stating the obvious: they’re ruined. Here’s what the two plucky bastards SHOULD have done, particularly if their deferment came with free money.

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Ok, I might have said some things that were exagerations. I might have gotten carried away with this whole blogging thing. Being in debt is stressful but If I offended anyone well… Fill in the blank.

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