When I was just a kid with a newly minted driver’s license I was dropping off my first girlfriend who happened to be of the Caucasian persuasion when I was spotted by a cop. He tailed me from a distance and pulled me over after I dropped her off. Now I was just a kid and I didn’t believe pigs, er cops were really as bad as the rappers and every single black male in my family made them out to be. I sputtered and stuttered said I’d never been in trouble, stated my gpa, church and showed him my honor society membership. He laughed in my face, yanked me out of the car, harassed me and in the end wrote me up for reckless driving and every other moving violation in existence. The point is groveling doesn’t work with cops and it doesn’t work with law school deans, Sallie Mae or anyone else with the power to free you from some crushing debt.

Look, I understand that this idiot was either desperate, giving into a moment of weakness or trying to be funny. Unfortunately it doesn’t matter because either way you gave some asshole dean the personal satisfaction of putting a face and a testimonial to the lives he helps ruin. Think of it. This idiot is tired of the freedoms of academia and now is comparing himself to his friends who are mid-level and senior partners who by now have amassed net worths of $1 million or more. Maybe if he was a federal judge the prestige of poverty would be worth it but not a likely dean. You just made this fool’s day.

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Happy White Male Day! With all Alpha Man’s talk of the oppressive yolk of student debt I’d like to tip my hat to the architect of true oppression my man CC! If you’re like me you’ve often thought “what can racism and rape do for me?” I can’t blame one for the loss of a job or the other to characterize a date that didn’t end the way I would like. I mean how’s a white man to get a settlement around here? Geez.

CC reminds us that racism and rape were once wielded as powerful weapons of world domination. As a half Italian it is a source of particular pride, not so much that CC was a ruthless warlord and pirate guilty of countless crimes against humanity (though let’s be honest- that is kind of cool) but that today, in 2010 with a black President and the highest population of Hispanics the country has ever seen this man STILL has a holiday. But this post isn’t about that, it’s about Gold. Read on you worthless wastrels about why YOU should be like CC.

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You are not my friend
I don’t learn about my friends
On the Internet

You are a reminder
Of what I could have been
After all our paths crossed once

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We are definitely going to address this topic again and in more detail but I wanted to get this idea out before the entire legal/student debt related blogosphere is completely subsumed in posts about how hard it is to find a date.  Please people, just go to matchmaker.com or whatever.  Anyway, unserviceable student debt is tantamount to the inability to add to or maintain networth/wealth.  The inability to maintain wealth is essentially a reduction in one’s socio-economic class.  The reduction of one’s socio-economic class is the antithesis of the American Dream and really if one thinks about it what it means to be an American.

Once again I will come back to this when it has had more time to simmer but Benito insisted that we have a post of the week for the short post labor day week and it was either this, an Erin Samus post about dating or another article about Benito’s “Mama’s Boy” business.  Please, someone find that kid a job. 

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I love this time of year. I can always find a harried professor who needs help grading papers. For roughly two weeks I have a job and one in one of my chosen fields. I feel like a young academic instead of a balding unemployed home body who still calls his mother after any trip of 40 miles or more.  I even treat myself to Star Bucks and grade the papers out in the open so everyone can see.  This is what being out of debt must feel like.

Then I met him. A real life ex-debtor. He was making himself a free drink out of honey, cinnamon and various creamers. Old habit maybe? Read on to find out what he told me.

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Hi kids.   I am not in any way insinuating that we are anything like alcoholics, though we are at a higher risk for the developing the full-blown disease.  Now as you know Mike Triforce is a hiatus from the blog but that doesn’t mean I don’t talk to him at all.  I questioned his use of a particular (not alcohol) and during the diatribe that followed he compared this site to AA.  Now since he was mad at the time, I of course assumed he meant it as an insult.  In addition I have never known Mike Triforce to compliment anything but himself and our German friends at BMW. 

His comments got me thinking though.  Alcoholics Anonymous has helped millions of individuals since its inception come to grip with a very real problem that threatened to overwhelm and destroy their lives.  Like alcoholism, crippling student debt has destroyed marriages, families, homes…and hopefully like Alcoholics Anonymous this site has at least provided a sort of camaraderie so you kids at least know you are not alone.

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Announcements: 4-19
- Allergy season is full swing and if you’re unemployed in debtor’s prison that means there is no health insurance…yay non-prescription claritin and zyrtec!
- KF Li enters the regular rotation filling in for Mike Triforce
- You can now search by Author! Comment on all your favorite author’s posts and I will pester them to write more
- Post of the Week will go to Icarus to reflect on the anniversary of the tragic VT shootings
- Alpha Man is responding to an elaborating on what to do in case of layoff
- Simon’s Girlfriend reflects on her own self-absorbed medical existence
- Erin Samus is looking for a new job and a new industry

Finally a disclaimer. When I wrote the layoff piece I did have a specific person in mind (who also contacted me) but a number of other individuals contacted me or commented (they failed moderation due to vulgarities – and I thought moderation was just to filter spam) I know when you get laid off it seems like you’re the only one. I know when you get laid off you feel like you were holding up not just your student debt, but also parents, siblings and significant others  and nobody else has a similar burden.  Sorry kids. If that were true there wouldn’t be blogs like this.

That said PLEASE realize that if I am talking about someone I have permission (either express or implied through association with the blog) OR I change names and significant details to protect identity. If someone has a problem with something I wrote and it is in fact based on them I take it down. Period. The only small caveat is if a writer has a problem with a post but then fails to fill the void with a different post AND hasn’t contributed to the overhead in any meaningful way.

I am a nice guy. Right now I am spreading cottage cheese on cucumbers and brewing tea for my mom’s book club. But I am not going to spend all my cash from doing odd jobs on a server filled with alot of links to nothing just because someone decided to spend their time cursing me out instead of writing.

This concludes our weekly announcements. Thank you!

[Original content temporarily suspended as a professional courteousy until the ethical investigation is complete. Older posts that failed to make the original cut will be rotated and substituted. If you have any questions, thoughts, concerns and most importantly if you need a copy of the ORIGINAL POST please contact nick@debtorsprison.com]

Two short months in and already I’m taking a…break let’s call it. I think I waited at least four months at the firm before taking off for a vacation, at least an official one anyway. But I digress. Listen up people. This may be the last time you here from me for awhile so pay attention. I am the ONLY inmate of Debtor’s Prison pulling six figures who goes to work in an office where everyone wears a coat and tie. I of course am above the dress code. I dress down to keep the women at the firm, particularly bosses off me and haven’t cut my hair in six months…but that only makes me sexier in their eyes, and even the bulkiest of sweaters can’t hide abs so perfect they resemble granite slabs like those found in the Ark of the Covenant. And that’s why I am getting the Ten Commandments tattooed on my stomach.

And speaking of the Ten Commandments This post takes issue with one: the prohibition on coveting. For those religious types let’s call this a Mike Triforce re-interpretation: don’t want what your neighbor has, want something better.
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At first it was simple: I know Duke students tend to go into a great deal of debt.  I don’t think for $40k a year the opportunity to burn a few benches is too much to ask for.  Recently however at Icarus’ urging I took some time to actively research Duke and I found alot of parallels between Duke and the situation we in debtor’s prison normally find ourselve.

First, irrational hatred.  People hate Duke for a variety of reasons but I thought I would focus on a few.  The first is sustained excellence.  We in debtor’s prison tend to forget that part of what got us into debt was excelling over our entire lives ultimately leading to acceptance at institutions that would cynically seal our doom.  The second is devotion.  Duke fans love Duke so much they are willing to sleep in tents, drive hours on end, spend whatever they have and do whatever they have to in order to support their team.  We in debtor’s prison had that same kind of devotion towards maximizing our own personal potential.

Read on to find the common thread

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Hi Kids. I figure this was worth reporting on since it’s sort of the point of the whole blog. After Erin bit my head off over the Supreme Court decision report I figured I would just write this one myself. First though let me drop in a link

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/26/us/politics/26loans.html?src=me&ref=general

Where to begin- so everyone is aware of the little healthcare debate that’s been going on as of late. For those of you cool kids who slept through civics Congress can add other things to bills even if they don’t relate. Notice I said if, I am not making a call there (plus Alpha Man already did and he’s upset with me). Bottom line is that this is a good thing but probably doesn’t help you if you already have debt.

Prior to this bill we had a bank based student loan system. Basically commercial banks got federal money to loan to students. Banks would then add a high interest rate and loan the money that wasn’t theirs in the first place. So even in the highly unlikely case of default (because you can’t declare bankruptcy) banks lost nothing. Usually however a bank would either 1) recoup the entire loan many times over during a 30 year period or 2) only recoup the loan two or three times over with the former student dying in debt. What this bill essentially does is eliminate the middle man to the tune of 61 billion for taxpayers and untold more for future students. WAY future students like your kids if you could afford to have any.

Students in 2014 will face a 10% income payment for 20 years if they do not stumble. That sounds real good to yours truly. What that means for us in debtors prison is that we will have a generation behind us that doesn’t have to suffer like we do. This is all the more reason why we must make our voices heard NOW because if we continue to suffer in silence future generations will  wonder why progress took a 20 year coffee break.

Now that I’ve set the stage I will invite the other writers to compose part II. I’m trying not to step on toes guys.