Happy White Male Day! With all Alpha Man’s talk of the oppressive yolk of student debt I’d like to tip my hat to the architect of true oppression my man CC! If you’re like me you’ve often thought “what can racism and rape do for me?” I can’t blame one for the loss of a job or the other to characterize a date that didn’t end the way I would like. I mean how’s a white man to get a settlement around here? Geez.

CC reminds us that racism and rape were once wielded as powerful weapons of world domination. As a half Italian it is a source of particular pride, not so much that CC was a ruthless warlord and pirate guilty of countless crimes against humanity (though let’s be honest- that is kind of cool) but that today, in 2010 with a black President and the highest population of Hispanics the country has ever seen this man STILL has a holiday. But this post isn’t about that, it’s about Gold. Read on you worthless wastrels about why YOU should be like CC.

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And I am going to tell you how to play. Sadly, anecdotes and parables seem to be lost on most of you so I am going to reduce what I am saying to several bulleted points so maybe even the thickest among you can get something out of this.  I am actually about to interview for the cushiest job on God’s green earth: law professor. If anyone asks Debtor’s Prison is not a blog with a half dozen writers but a book written solely by me.

1) Learning/Mastering material does not equal good grades
2) Aptitude/Knowledge does not equal good test scores
3) Job Skills/Work Ethic does not equal a job or job security

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I just got another text from the African Goddess I met when I ditched a suicidal Icarus at Irish Pub the other day.  Apparently she found this blog, recognized Icarus’ post and figured out who I was…and yes she read the article where I repeated racist propoganda at my firm to ingraciate myself with the partners who hold those views because I deemed them to hold more power than the younger progressive ones…with smaller books of business.  So sad.  She really was beautiful, the kind of beauty where just talking to her (and fortunately that’s all that happened) was more than enough.  But before I start sounding too much like Icarus, I promised you another post about why Professional Responsibility is a joke.

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Whoever tells you not to go to law school, don’t listen to them.  I’m not even there yet and already I am having a blast.  Spent a few weeks in NAPA learning about wine so I have something to talk about with the kids that matter – actually got an uncle to pay for it who was, get this, glad I was finally applying myself.  Awesome.  That freed up some cash to wine and dine Mike Triforce, who I suspect is strapped for cash for some reason.  The following are some of his rules for padding hours.  We are learning from a (former?) Master here fellas.  I question him because if you follow this blog you know he hasn’t been the same since his hiatus.  He blames Benito, but when has Triforce ever cared about what Benito thought before?  He knows Benito RARELY doesn’t approve an article…

But anyway.  Go to law school.  It is the only profession where you have a statistically measurable chance of landing a job that pays 160k or more for doing the following.  Secrets are after the fold people.

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It’s your man KF Li here. As you all know it is my ambition to follow in the illustrious footsteps of Mike Triforce – innovator, artist and JD (Just Dollaz). The first step was filling in for him. The second was…applying to law school! And I got in! What’s Good SUCKAS?! And I have to say it was remarkably easy. But you know what the best part is? Once again suckling at the teet of Student Loans – oh yeah it’s easy to knock them when you are paying them back, but when you are SPENDING that money?! Wow it’s like having monopoly money and I’m the banker!

Read on to learn the schools I got accepted to and learn how else I applied the lessons of Mike Triforce to get where I am today.

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So there has been alot of whining mixed with stretched basketball references lately. Yours truly made a killing betting on the winningest coach in the game because life isn’t always a popularity contest. Made five grand actually, more than Benito will make during the current administration.

As I was getting bottle service at my favorite spot I had a rare defeatist thought: what’s five grand when you owe 190k? This thought was so vexing I left before consuming even a second bottle of champagne. I even tipped the valet (normally I consider it a privilege to drive my car and if anything I should get a tip). Almost immediately I hit someone.

Find out what I did and what I should have done (aka read on)

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Mike Triforce here. Benito asked me to pen part 2 of the student loan overhaul piece. Alpha Man complained of getting the shaft because his entry would have been too political. He said I get to write this because I have a more “conservative voice.” He then asked if he could contribute. I said no.  But then again I am about to write about something completely different SO perhaps he will get his wish.

I am a political party of one. I have only voted twice in my life and both were local elections where I personally knew the candidate and stood to directly benefit from their election. Read on to for enlightenment on the rest of my political philosophy.

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I am at the top (or close to it) and the last thing I need is your worthless hide obstructing my view. Say what you want about law firms but they have their structure right. I’m not here to be mentored or do any mentoring. Teaching some one else only dilutes your own value. The only reason to help anyone ever is immediate convenience. That’s why the Princess has a key to the apartment. Any successful person who tells you different is creating a facade so you are not in a position to retaliate when you’re cast aside.  You think I worry about my job? Please.  Those frazzled fat partners need me like they need the hierarchy (caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and strange sex).  My billables pay for all of that. 

Not only will I climb a ladder and then kick it over when I get to the top, I will pull someone over the side who extends a hand. You think that’s wrong? Go join your friends in the unemployment line. Say hi to Benito for me.

This principle is also true in social settings. Read on to find out why.

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I got into the office uncharacteristically early because the Princess’ foghorn-like snoring kept waking me up. I stumbled upon this link (Link, get it?) from ATL

http://abovethelaw.com/2010/03/mutiny_at_mayer_brown.php#comments

For those too lazy to follow the link two kids who got deferred from their law firm made a stink about it. Over 300 comments followed, most stating the obvious: they’re ruined. Here’s what the two plucky bastards SHOULD have done, particularly if their deferment came with free money.

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[Original content temporarily suspended as a professional courteousy until the ethical investigation is complete. Older posts that failed to make the original cut will be rotated and substituted. If you have any questions, thoughts, concerns and most importantly if you need a copy of the ORIGINAL POST please contact nick@debtorsprison.com]

Ok, I might have said some things that were exagerations. I might have gotten carried away with this whole blogging thing. Being in debt is stressful but If I offended anyone well… Fill in the blank.

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