Simon is perfect. That’s not good enough. My student loans are manageable. That’s not good enough either. Sadly good enough can only be used to describe the work of my incompetent interns who I routinely flog verbally until I see their little spirits die behind their eyes.

Simon has to walk a fine line. He needs to have money, but not TOO much money lest I develop a lifestyle dependent on him. He needs to be forceful and strong like a man but I always have to have my way. He has to be able to fix things but can’t have that “blue collar” essence otherwise he is beneath me. His racial/ethnic background can’t be just like mine otherwise every black woman I know will get on me about snatching him up, but he also can’t be good old boy white because the chances of that being a turn-on are close to nil. Eastern European works. And of course he has to be model hot. I want big muscles and eight pack definition just like a man wants large breasts and a small waist. I feel the same way about my debt.

Read the rest of this entry →

I will be the first to admit my loan situation, work situation and living situation isn’t bad. As far as student debtors go I feel like I am well ahead of the curve and as far as doctors go I still believe I am better than most.  Still, a run-in with a housewife has caused me to re-evaluate my situation.

It started as you might expect in an absurdly long line at the grocery store with a new clerk and a grandmother paying in change and attempting to haggle at the front. She complimented my shoes and I complimented her bag. Her children were docile and well-behaved.

Read the rest of this entry →

There’s nothing like creeping up on 30, barely out of school and making less than a janitor (they have unions) with mounds of debt, turning on the TV for your 15 minutes of television a week and seeing a teenage barely literate deadbeat high school dropout dad running for mayor. Anger. Then I listened a little closer and realized that this fool was being asked the same damn questions that his almost mother-in-law was asked in 2008. So basically this idiot was at the plate in a Major League Gsme a d he’s allowed to use a tee like in tee-ball (what you play before little league).  The fool answered “I don’t know” to about half the questions. And you know what? He still outperformed a woman who could have been President of the United States. Believe me, I know how to read McCain’s health chart.

So during another brief monthly break I mentor young girls at the Sadie Alexander School.  I asked her what she wanted to do/be when she grew up and she said she wanted to have Lil’ Wayne’s baby. I won’t tell you how old the child was because it will make you cry. I won’t tell you the race either (it’s not the one you think) because you won’t believe me. Now this girl isn’t dumb so I just assumed she was a slut, furthering my argument that sluts are born not made. But now I can see how a student could come to the following conclusion: why spend an additional 10+ years in school working hard to distinguish myself when the chance you have worked so hard for will be given to some idiot who had a child with a famous person? Why graduate high school when you can simply conceive a child with someone you plan to use for personal gain? The child will understand of course and if not they will be rich enough to afford whatever necessary therapy is required.

Read the rest of this entry →

Remember as a kid, probably somewhere around 4th or 5th grade, your parents stopped being able to help you with your homework?  Now, if you’re like me with parents who had college degrees (and then some) you probably remember asking yourself, how your parents who not only finished regular school but went to some kind of super school that requires a lifetime of saving AND was so important that it was worth it to live in a tiny prison-like room for four years to attend.  All that and you can’t multiply fractions?  So sad.

Eventually you stopped asking your parents for help with your homework.  That’s what older siblings, tutors and perhaps a little more concentration and a little less TV was for.  But most likely you never reconciled the fact that your parents were intelligent, functioning, employed adults who either didn’t know or had forgotten something so essential that it’s taught universally in grade school.

Read the rest of this entry →

So my cousin Bobby was making his college decision last year around this time. He committed to Maryland (where he’s from) but then got into Johns Hopkins off the waitlist. At the time I encouraged him to go to Hopkins because Maryland kids are thuggish and Bobby was still known as “Young Breezy aka Bitches n’ Tits also known as TYD.” TYD stood for “Throat Yogurt Dispenser.” However Aunt Jenine wasn’t rich so Bobby had to take out a fair number of loans.

So I spend a weekend with him this summer and instead of listening to my helpful hints about orgo this silly ass can’t stop talking about how healthcare reform is going to adversely effect his earning potential. Seriously?

Read the rest of this entry →

I feel like everyone who writes for this blog who isn’t homeless, suicidal or living with their mother should write a column like this. In addition to providing more in the way of useful advice I also think it’s important to stress that this is not an anti-education blog. Believe me you still need an undergraduate and probably a graduate education you just need to be alot smarter about how you get it.

Three steps to get where I am for free 1) full-ride to college 2) get into medical school 3) Join the Army.

Read the rest of this entry →

Uh, ok.  So I was waiting for Alpha Man to field this one. I could understand the silence on Oscar Grant (Alpha Man says thanks to the rappers that any black man talking about police brutality seems like a thug). But then I saw his love-thy-neighbor bullshit post and I knew I had to do this myself.

There is no such thing as reverse racism. Every white person that hates black people does so because of an institutionalized system of oppression and misrepresentation. Every black person that hates white people does so due to 400 years of rape, torture, murder, slavery AND most likely a lot of personal experience. That’s not racism. It’s a form of prejudice yes. Very understandable prejudice in the case of Shirley Sherrod… a prejudice she overcame by the way.

Read the rest of this entry →

I’m feeling good. The worst part of residency is over, the anticipation and the fear. I still haven’t reached that magical milestone where I am more competent than the good nurses but that will take time. I am also on vacation which is lovely. Sitting here on the beach in all my cocoa-bronze glory I reached for a book one of my girlfriends recommended and immediately understood why Erin hates Lisa Scottoline so much. I am talking about Black Urban Fiction.

First a little background. I am on vacation because 1) residency isn’t as bad as doctors would have you believe and 2) Simon knows a blood lab technician who owes him a BIG favor.  Like any other job if you cover for someone they cover for you later. Now if someone covers for me they have the option of getting all their lab work expedited for a week and the gunners love that.

Read the rest of this entry →

I graduated from Medical School two weekends ago.  For those of you non-doctors imagine your college graduation plus winning the Nobel Prize and the Super Bowl.  That’s how you are treated by friends, family and people who would like you to think of them as friends or family.  The best though is the love you get from doctors…the same ones who will be treating you like garbage once residency begins. But for now it’s all good.

All the attention though attracts it’s fair share of haters and the numbers are multiplied when for whatever reason people think you don’t deserve what you’ve got or getting what you’ve got would have been harder for them.  Think Obama’s Nobel Prize or Eli Manning’s Super Bowl.

Read the rest of this entry →

Ok, please someone tell me I wasn’t called out because I’m going to be “just a regular” doctor making “only $150,000” minimum?  Please tell me when I made the misguided decision to read the latest post by Triforce’s lackey he had the audacity to not only let some real private stuff slip but I was called out on becoming a primary care physician.

Actually, it’s never been a better time to become a primary care physician.  And physician still doesn’t belong in the same sentence, paragraph or even document as lawyer.

Read the rest of this entry →