This is for my peeps who are pimps first and professionals second – the type of slick mothers who can hop on a plane to a country where they can’t speak the language with only the clothes on their back and spend three months with the type of women suicide bombers dream about.

This is also in response to Sweet Hot Justice who wrote a piece “Biglaw Bros: Why Slam Pieces DON’T Want You.” The article can be found here

http://www.sweethotjustice.com/2011/03/01/biglaw-bros-why-slam-pieces-dont-want-you/

and reposted on ATL here

http://abovethelaw.com/2011/03/biglaw-bros-why-slam-pieces-don%E2%80%99t-want-you/

Basically SHJ says that dimes aren’t interested because at the end of the day even the most successful lawyer doesn’t make shit compared to a finance guy and law just ain’t sexy.  And you know what? She’s right.  But dimes want you anyway.  Why? Let me explain.

Basically it comes down to this: having an angle.  Think Owen Wilson from “Meet the Parents.” He didn’t present himself as an investment banker or whatever the hell he was.  He presented himself as a carpenter or some kind of artist or…I must admit, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen that movie.  The point is you don’t sell yourself as a lawyer, you sell yourself as a cowboy, athlete, musician, actor, writer, etc.  Then once she’s interested you might let it drop that law is your day job, and then the beamer the valet brings around fills in the rest of the blanks for her.

No disrespect to women, but they are dumb and predictable.  A woman wants love first and security second.  That’s why you present sexy/poor and then let it drop that yeah, actually you can pay the bills.  This is actually what most girls want because women have it ingrained in them at an early age that to make a man’s income the DOMINANT factor in whether they go out with, date or engage in relations with, makes them a whore.  Again, believe it or not, most women do not want to FEEL LIKE whores.  Even the extremely hot ones.

SHJ presents the stereotypical gold-digger who also happens to be a dime.  She doesn’t give you the time of day because your buck sixty ain’t shit compared to the kid who plans to be a millionaire next year.  She also acts like she doesn’t care that her behavior makes her feel cheap.  Surely, the lowly lawyer has no shot at this gal right? Wrong.  Here’s why.

A gold digger wants to MARRY the finance guy.  That’s what a gold digger is.  They don’t just dig up the gold to look at it, or take a few gold pieces and put them in the bank just to get a taste of the good life.  The gold digger wants to marry the finance guy.  Now, being smart, and SHJ insists that she is, does she sleep with the finance guy right off the bat? No.  Otherwise he will think she is what she is, whorish and cheap.  Now, enter the law guy.  She can spot a lawyer by now, mostly by the conversation and their tendency to spend more time checking email with their phones rather than taking calls.  Definitely no gold, only copper.  But copper will do for a night.  At this point whether the lawyer does or does not go home with the girl depends on only two things 1) how physically attractive she finds him and 2) him not fucking it up by talking.

But I haven’t even gotten to the best part.  Let’s look at our competition, the finance guys and the doctors.  Dudes, these people have to work for a living.  The BEST thing about us and our MOST VALUABLE advantage is that we’re not measured by some objective end result, like portfolio performance or lives saved.  We’re measured on hours we bill, arbitrarily and inconsistently reviewed.  We actually have TIME to become the moderately decent musicians, the supporting actors in independent films and the fledgling writers that make for good bar conversation.  We have the TIME to be interesting.  And we have the TIME to go to the gym so we can at least look respectable.

After all, women are just people like us.  And at the end of the day people have sex with sexy.