Mike Triforce here.  Hold the applause.  I am just not in the mood.

A few days ago I wrote a post about how the Princess was around less and given our financial bind I naturally assumed that that was due to finding or at least actively seeking gainful employment (though the couch, unwashed dishes and unwalked dog surely missed her) but I was wrong. I am still in shock but I had to…I don’t know…let me just say it.

The Princess…went back to school.

What. The. FUCK?! This trifling, shiftless, good-for-nothing waistrel has been nothing but an anchor around my neck.  She can’t…we can’t…there’s no…

I mean, where to begin?  Ok, I’ll just say it.  I was counting on her daddy’s money.  Money that could have floated some of our bills or paid off some of MY LOANS for the education that is PAYING OUR BILLS.  Instead that money is going to pay her tuition so she can study Art History or some other useless endeavor.   I just wanted to tell her that those people leading the guided tours at museums aren’t speaking from academic knowledge, they are just repeating what they are listening to…they’re not deaf, that’s an earpiece. 

What next? Oh, pretty convenient how you go back to school just when we could use a second income most?  Is working really so distasteful that you’re willing to pay thousands and thousands to, if anything, make your employment prospects lower?  After all, would you rather have a still somewhat attractive 27 year-old waitress/bartender with no degree or a 30 year-old no-longer attractive waitress/bartender with a degree? Why not just lie about having finished college like your brother and like you do on your facebook page?

Oh and please, don’t think this earns you any respect.  There’s taking time off and there is quitting.  You quit school because school was harder than living off daddy and just not going.  Now you’re quitting again, because living on your own terms is harder than crawling back to dadddy and humoring him by going to school so he can sleep better at night about having raised a failure of a daughter.  You do realize that doctoral candidates younger than you will be receiving their degrees on your hypothetical graduation day right?

This is the last thing I’ll say because I realize I am ranting.  I realize I can be an asshole sometimes.  I realize sometimes I say things that are out of line, but at the end of the day I tolerated FOR YEARS my girlfriend working in an industry where guys essentially pay her to flirt.  I know she’s slept with alot of them…in the bathrooms of some of the establishments (how do you think we met?) and yet I deal with it.  I deal with it better than most men would.  But I’ll be DAMNED if I have to compete with 17 year-olds in psychology 101 class inviting her to the party at the frat they’re rushing, hoping to bang her once she’s tipsy off jungle juice.

The Princess has gone back to school.  Still can’t believe it.  Unless she can suck a golf ball through a twisty straw I might have to finally put this bitch on the curb.