So my cousin Bobby was making his college decision last year around this time. He committed to Maryland (where he’s from) but then got into Johns Hopkins off the waitlist. At the time I encouraged him to go to Hopkins because Maryland kids are thuggish and Bobby was still known as “Young Breezy aka Bitches n’ Tits also known as TYD.” TYD stood for “Throat Yogurt Dispenser.” However Aunt Jenine wasn’t rich so Bobby had to take out a fair number of loans.

So I spend a weekend with him this summer and instead of listening to my helpful hints about orgo this silly ass can’t stop talking about how healthcare reform is going to adversely effect his earning potential. Seriously?

Look young bucks- you’ve got 15-20 years before you see a DIME from practicing medicine. Undergrad, Med School, and Residency alone is 12 assuming no time off and graduating as fast as possible. Second, We are NOT bankers…we’re not activists either but definitely not bankers.

Here’s what I mean. It’s fucked up but understandable that Wall Street bitches about financial reform BECAUSE the assumption is they are trying to get paid as much as possible period AND because Wall Street Reform lowers what a banker with said mindset can make. As doctors we 1) are supposed to at least pretend to care about patients and 2) healthcare reform doesn’t affect doctors who are just trying to get paid.

I think the first point is self-explanatory. As for the second hey, if you want to become a highly specialized doctor in dermatology, plastic surgery or some other useless field and make a killing nothing is stopping you. Join a lucrative private practice that only caters to individuals with Cadillac Insurance policies. Quietly stop accepting Medicare and Medicaid patients…once you have a decade’s worth of loans to pay off. But please don’t let me hear you bitching about your future salary when yo Mamie was paying for the paper you wiped your ass with 18 months ago.  That goes double if your parents are paying for the whole multiple decade endeavor. Seriously fuck you.

When I was a kid growing up I lived next door to a girl named Jessica. We were thick as thieves for five years until my parents moved. I only found out recently via facebook that her dad was a doctor, even though I vividly recall referring to him as “Mr. Goldman.” She told me that her dad didn’t like to use the title outside of the hospital as it created a “stay one step ahead of the joneses” mentality.

I love you Mr. Goldman. Here’s hoping in the future neighborhood kids call me Mrs. Belmont. Hint hint Simon.