And I am going to tell you how to play. Sadly, anecdotes and parables seem to be lost on most of you so I am going to reduce what I am saying to several bulleted points so maybe even the thickest among you can get something out of this.  I am actually about to interview for the cushiest job on God’s green earth: law professor. If anyone asks Debtor’s Prison is not a blog with a half dozen writers but a book written solely by me.

1) Learning/Mastering material does not equal good grades
2) Aptitude/Knowledge does not equal good test scores
3) Job Skills/Work Ethic does not equal a job or job security

As a kid I got good grades mostly because it was so easy. Once the teacher thought I was smart I stopped doing homework and paying attention in class but it didn’t matter. A few perfect tests, a little shock and awe when nobody else in class knew the answer and I would make her a nice Christmas card.  In 20+ years little has changed.  You’d be surprised how many grades get raised just because people ASK.

People think studying the material pruportedly covered on a test is how to do well on a test. Wrong. Studying the test is how to do well on the test. All tests are are gateways. Don’t be into the facade that a test measures merit, preparedness or potential. If they did how do you explain the incompetence so prevalent at every elite level of play?

But no, you’re one of those self righteous pricks eager to brag about how you played the game “straight up” and now you’re out on your ass and your botching like life owes you something. Pathetic. I could explain to you why the girl with the great rack or the boss’ nephew you got hired instead of you or I could show you how a monkey could do not only your job but your former boss’ boss’ job but instead I will drop this bit of knowledge on you.

Ever taken a Kaplan course? Yeah that’s based on the philosophy I just espoused. How about a mock interview? Yeah that too. Ever got in a little trouble and hired a lawyer? What’s a lawyer other than someone you PAY to see to it that the rules don’t apply to you? You think I spend my time researching case law and writing briefs? Please. My clients who are dumb enough to ask for that get just what they deserve: a bill for the time I spend drinking, fucking and scratching my ass. I tell people how and when to lie and if they caught I call in favors.

So employed or not in debt or not don’t think you played the game straight up. The only difference between you and me is you rationalize shit a little more than I do and I am a lot better at the game than you. I’m not a player I’m an All Star bitch.