I hate pre-season football.  It’s kind of like masterbating in my book. If you hear it from the other room it sounds like the real deal but at the end you don’t feel like a winner and you haven’t conquered anyone.  In my disgust I decided to see what Benito and company have produced recently.  Predictably it was a sea of crap, and really I could comment on anything written in the month of August but for the sake of time let’s focus on this “Tales of an Unpublished Author” series.  Typical Benito, he finds a loser similar to himself who writes about why he has accomplished nothing in life.  Soon he will have kids writing who got rejected from every school they applied to giving advice about how to get into Yale Law or Harvard Med.  So that’s why I hate this blog. 

And here’s why I love America.  May I present Ms. Kathryn Stockett whose novel “The Help” has been a best-seller for over a year now.  Ms. Stockett is a lilly-white 41 year-old who, from the looks of her, is no stranger to cosmetic surgery (the work is very tasteful).  She comes from old money and her book is a condescending tale chronicalling the generations of black servants employed by her family told form the perspective of one of the servants.  I promise this is not a joke and I can’t believe neither Alpha Man nor Simons Girlfriend has written about this.

This would be like if George W. Bush wrote a bestselling novel about Hurricane Katrina told from the perspective of a young black man caught in the storm who slowly realizes and comes to accept that the storm is God’s righteous judgment on his sinful life and stops running from the white vigilantes who have come to lynch him.  You can’t make shit like this up. 

So I did a quick google search knowing that an interview with this woman would have additional gold nuggets.  She exceeded even my own expectations.  She said something to the effect of “I saw my black mamie thousands of times, but only once out of uniform, in her coffin.”  Even I had to re-read that.  I imagine her saying it two ways: the first way simply to illustrate the perfect dehumanization and the second way in kind of a childlike manner – almost as if the absence of her uniform was the reason she died or the largest diference between her living and dead state.

Next as a stay at home mom of course she has a nanny and of course she is going to reference her ethnicity: Hispanic.  She says their relationship is not intimate because of course Stockett doesn’t speak Spanish.  But this implies her relationship with her black nanny was…intimate enough to spit all over her grave. USA! USA! USA!

This is what passes for literature in our society, a spoiled white-girl publishes her parents’ pretexts for firing and/or mistreating their servants while belittling their work and mocking their speech, sweeping away their last small bit of dignity.  Of course, and again not kidding, they are making this into a movie.

So Mr. Wick, how AWFUL must your writing be for an agent to put your manuscript down and instead represent something like this? I hope you’re not in debt.