Here’s the latest from Mr. Tom Wick!

The subject of today’s post was going to be writing your first query letter, something that I am actually good at as I have gotten more than my fair of agents to take that first step and at least request to see my work.  However before I go there I wanted to say how truly depressing it is to write a post called “Tales of an Unpublished Author”…it’s like if there was a position on a sports team called “phlegm target.” As someone constantly suffering from underemployment and looking for work their is enough rejection in my life from employers and women.  This adds a whole new dimension to that.

While we’re on the subject let me say this one thing about alcohol.  Yes, it does help you write.  HOWEVER, you will be rendered even more incapable of assessing the quality of said writing, leading to a cycle where you drink, sober up, read what you wrote, are embarassed and then drink until it sounds good again…so good that you add to it until you eventually sober up, and well you get the idea.

Alright.  Finally.  A Query.

A query letter is the unsolicited message you send an agent or publisher describing the type of book you have written or intend to write.  It is usually about a page in length and is very similar to a college essay, only you are selling a work instead of yourself, and hopefully will get a check instead of a tuition bill you will never, ever pay back. 

The most important part of a query is the first sentence.  You have approximately seven words to pique the agent’s interest and demonstrate you are a competent writer.  Having achieved that, the second most important part of the query is whatever you say to convince the agent that THIS WILL SELL.  An agent will take a slightly more marketable piece of crap over a highly marketable work of literary genius.  Keep in mind, the quality of your work is simply a tie-breaker between nickels in the mind of an agent or publisher.

So, how do you convince an agent a work will sell?  Go to the bookstore, look at books like the ones you have written/intend to write and look-up how many printings said book has had.  On the second or third page of each book you should see a series of numbers usually starting with 10.  Example:

10  9  8  7  6  5  4  3 

That book is on it’s 3rd printing.

15  14  13

That book is on it’s 13th printing.  You get the idea.  It also never hurts to remind the agent of things that have happened in the media over the past year that show your work is timely. 

Writing is alot like looking for a job when you’re unemployed or right after you graduate.  You’re told you need experience, something you will never get unless someone gives you a chance.  The best way to convince an agent your work is marketable unfortunately is to have been previously published, something that if it were true would probably mean you are not reading a post entitled “Tales of an Unpublished Author” unless you really are a sick, mean-spirited bastard.