So I might have killed three people but some idiot 3L who just passed his MPRE wants to pass judgment on me because *gasp* I bragged about a famous client who shall remain nameless (rhymes with Drave Chrappelle). Now due to trying to find a new job at a better firm, the incident in April, KF Li’s crap AND a heartfelt desire to not be perceived as such a douchebag I was tempted not to write this or at least keep it as a single post.  I have failed.

Professional Responsibility is a joke. Read on for the context of my opening statement.

So if you’re like me you didn’t read Icarus’ last post. I don’t like hearing wedding vows when I am at weddings so I certainly didn’t want to read a proposal. Here’s a tip ladies: the longer he talks the cheaper ring. So when the crew called and said they were concerned about Icarus and I should take him for drinks I blew them off as long as I could. I asked why one of the employed women couldn’t do it but apparently SG starts her residency in a few days and Erin thinks I arus gives off a “weird vibe.” Its called the stink of failure and if Erin doesn’t find a way out of her paralegal corner she better get used to it.

So Icarus and I go out. I order two tall Guiness stouts and I add a double shot of Whiskey to Icarus’ drink. First thing I say to him is “bottoms up”. This guy needs three drinks just so he’ll talk normal.  Then we run it back. Six in when he thinks he’s had only two he starts yammering about his gf, and how he said he dumped her because she didn’t respect him but really it was because he was tired of watching her wait for a proposal that might never come yada yada…I am bored and there are no attractive women in the bar yet.

So I tell Icarus a law school story about how me and a buddy of mine settled a bet about who was the most persuasive litigator by visiting a suicide chat room and trying to convince randoms to stop talking and start doing.

I can still remember my argument. Suicide is the most rational action for you. First I would state that people who are making a difference and contributing to society don’t ever feel suicidal. That would be counter to evolution. Second I argued that suicide saves resources. Third I argued that suicide is easier on friends and family because it ends the cycle of worry. Fourth, it is very easy to make suicide seem like an accident aka car + tree = suicide. That landed me three suicide pacts to my friend’s one and then we stopped.

So as I am telling this story an African goddess catches my eye. It is still fairly early and most white guys are intimidated by Africsn American women, Simon aside. She sits down at the booth next to me so I leave Icarus and start spitting game. Actor, Musician, Lawyer representing David Chappelle er, Dravid Chrappelle. So then this young kid comes up to me and starts calling me unprofessional. You can’t give out clients names, that’s against the rules of professional responsibility! You’re probably not a real lawyer!

Poor fool. I drop the card. I drop the keys ( I still kept one of my BMW keys for when I am walking around center city) I bring up one of the documents for the matter on my blackberry. I make up some lie about the rules being different when the man is a personal acquaintance (he’s not but I am lying remember?) and soon the little 3L is practically crying and the girl can’t scribble down her digits fast enough.

My first point is that this idiot overheard that entire suicide conversation, saw me leave a friend teetering on a self-destructive brink to talk to a girl and he’s fine with that but utter the name of a client? That’s why you stick your nose in my business?

More on why Professional Responsibility is a joke oh, and what happened with the girl (and Icarus) whenever I upload the rest of this from my phone.