WOOOOO! WOOOOO!  MAN IT’S APATHETIC TO BE BACK!

Mike Triforce here.  I see that there’s still no independent advertising here so I assume the pay is the same.  That’s zero for those of you keeping track at home.  What’s happened in my absence?  Benito’s still out of a job, Alpha Man is still whiny and bitter, Simon’s Girlfriend’s one substantive post is in response to something I said and Erin still feels neglected.  Oh and Icarus 30 has gotten too lazy to rhyme and quit his job/gave up his hobby (fetish?) however you would describe teaching high school.

Listen, I’m back by choice not because Benito asked me or because I need this platform.  I’m back not because this blog needs me, I am back because YOU need me.  Let me remind you why.

First, I am the only employed male who writes for this thing.  Think about that.  Seven bloggers if you count my understudy and I am the ONLY EMPLOYED MALE.  This is still America.  Employed males are still a large part of the story.  Try and get something done without us.

Second, I am the only person on this blog who preaches self-reliance and personal accountability.  People think I am bragging when I share an anecdote about things I’ve done.  Some even go as far as to attack my character.  That’s not the point people and you know it.  The point is to illustrate what is possible even though you have massive debt.  The point is to show you that yeah maybe your degree is worth something even if you get a particularly large bill for it.

Third, I am the only person who gives plain English advice.  I don’t write creepy poems that read like suicide notes penned by Ronald Dahl.  My posts are not political time.  My posts are not recycled from Above the Law.  My posts are not rambling complaints capped off with a half-hearted attempt to make them relevant to ANYONE ELSE.

Finally I would like to address some vicious rumors that have been circulating recently.  I DID NOT GET LAID OFF.  I am simply asking around.  In case you haven’t noticed firms aren’t doling out raises and the only way to get a fatter pay check is to take your show on the road.  It’s a great market for it since firms only want to hire lawyers who are CURRENTLY EMPLOYED.  I also HAVE NOT gained a massive amount of weight.  I have the same six pack I’ve had since I was 14.  LL Cool J asked me about my ab routine on Spring Break a few years back.  We still trade texts every now and again.  Ok, that’s a lie, but I did see LL Cool J at Spring Break, he did point at me and say…something, I can only assume he was asking about my abs or at least complimenting them and that we would text back and forth if I’d been able to get into the club that night.