Being a mother is tough today.  Particularly if you are the mother of an inmate in debtor’s prison.  At a stage in life when you the parent should be looking forward to weddings and grandchildren, to eating holiday meals in the first homes of your children, and to finally receiving a little financial help, whether its to take a dream vacation or simply so you don’t have to worry about coming up short when the mortgage is due…you instead are finding yourself financially supporting your children.  And let’s be honest, you’re not “giving them a little help” like a down payment so they can afford a nicer home for their young family, you are providing them with all the essentials, shelter, food and transportation.  Just like when they were 10.

However here’s the difference.  Even a parent of a ten year-old who is doing rather poorly in school expect said child to be relatively self-sufficient by the time they are in their mid-twenties.  However if you are the parent of a child in their late twenties or early thirties with no job prospects and a crippling debt load you must deal with the uncertainty of whether that child will EVER be self-sufficient even if they have been academically successful all their lives. 

A running joke on this blog is the, for lack of a more eloquent phrase, the crap I take for living at home with my Mom.  Underneath that delightfully dysfunctional surface however there are deep, deep issues as I believe there are for all mothers.  Seeing your child’s life on pause, seeing them battle depression, low self-esteem and general sadness is heartbreaking for any parent.  It is particularly heartbreaking when that parent feels somewhat responsible. 

If you have a mother worth her salt she pushed you, challenged you and demanded the very best of you in everything you did, particularly with respect to your education.  Your mother then probably encouraged you to go to the better (and probably more expensive) of your college choices.  She encouraged you to go to graduate school.  And if that choice hasn’t worked out perfectly no doubt she feels somewhat to blame.

Look kids, here’s the deal.  You are not dead yet.  Not even close.  Nobody knows what will come of your degree over the course of your lifetime.  Remember, going to school was about more than the paycheck you would get when you came out.  It was about pride.  It was about confronting an elitist world, standing toe-to-toe with the best and saying “I am.” You did this, and nobody can take it away from you or from the woman who sent you.

Finally, I will leave you with this – the way you got into and through college was by bonding with your mother.  You guys were a team.  You fought through the financial aid red tape, the application process, and the endless issues of crazy roommates who somehow always got invited to dinner when your mom was in town.  Remember, going to college wasn’t just about you, it was about moving forward as a family.  That still ought to be your collective goal.  Moving forward as a family.  Some battles have been won, others have been lost, but the war rages on and the alliance is strong.