Nothing beats a little good old-fashioned emasculation.  When I asked Benito why he didn’t do me the courtesy of mentioning my ex (who’s pen name is [new guy]’s boyfriend) decided to write a post about how I am a failure his explanation began with “when I was watching the View with mother…” I immediately knew concepts of pride and dignity were a bit out of his grasp.  So allow me to come to my own defense AND offer a little bit of advice to all of you in debtor’s prison: Make New Friends.

Why? Because if your debt has gotten to the point that you are not noticeably as financially successful as your old friends think you should be or if their are more obvious signs (like being out on your ass) your friends are always going to see you through that certain lense. 

Keep going, err reading…

First let me backtrack.  Simon’s Girlfriend (I bet she loves it when I have to type that) wrote a good post with a valid point.  I did in fact factor the whole “my grandparents couldn’t do this so I should” into my graduate school decision.  I think part of the problem with this generation of African-Americans is that we are so focused on the past we can’t see the new tricks coming down the pipeline.  African-American students borrow more on average and default more on average.  Our parents dreamed of seeing an African-American President and Praise God some of them lived long enough to see it.  But what do we dream of? I can think of a few things, but that’s for a later post.

So until a few years ago you were either 1) the bookish type who constantly mortgaged the present for the future their education was supposed to bring or 2) one of those types who just generally had their shit together and was going to be successful no matter what…so what’s a few hundred grand here or there? Surely a lifetime of either diligence or success can’t be wiped out by one mistake? You know that’s a lie. So…

It should follow that one mistake can also permanently change how you are viewed by the “old crew.” Alright fine whatever not your “true” friends whatever that means.  But friendships are complicated like any other relationship.  Chances are there are some resentments that have built up while you were earning all those degrees and they are coming out in the form of snide commentary.  That’s actually not so bad.  Sometimes it comes in condescenscion.  Pity is bad, real bad, but not the worst.  The worst is when you let your friends honestly think you let them down.  Then if you start ranting like I do you are “making excuses.”   

So make new friends.  Don’t get rid of the old ones but for your own sanity you need to meet and interact with people whose only idea of you is that which you currently embody.  Who don’t think of you as an “ex” something or a “former” something or aren’t thinking of you as “in-transition.” 

And finally, so I don’t come off as sounding too mature, “Simon” is a damn vampire.  I don’t just mean he’s pale.  He’s like a ghost.  He also dresses funny, he’s gone all the time, and as near as I can tell doesn’t have a job…not that there is anything wrong with that but their apartment is NICE and I’m just sayin’ vampires in every story I’ve ever read don’t have to worry about money.