[Original content temporarily suspended as a professional courteousy until the ethical investigation is complete. Older posts that failed to make the original cut will be rotated and substituted. If you have any questions, thoughts, concerns and most importantly if you need a copy of the ORIGINAL POST please contact nick@debtorsprison.com]

Two short months in and already I’m taking a…break let’s call it. I think I waited at least four months at the firm before taking off for a vacation, at least an official one anyway. But I digress. Listen up people. This may be the last time you here from me for awhile so pay attention. I am the ONLY inmate of Debtor’s Prison pulling six figures who goes to work in an office where everyone wears a coat and tie. I of course am above the dress code. I dress down to keep the women at the firm, particularly bosses off me and haven’t cut my hair in six months…but that only makes me sexier in their eyes, and even the bulkiest of sweaters can’t hide abs so perfect they resemble granite slabs like those found in the Ark of the Covenant. And that’s why I am getting the Ten Commandments tattooed on my stomach.

And speaking of the Ten Commandments This post takes issue with one: the prohibition on coveting. For those religious types let’s call this a Mike Triforce re-interpretation: don’t want what your neighbor has, want something better.

So I was cruising down South Street with the top down last weekend when some young ladies showed interest much to the chagrin of the gearheads they were with. Needless to say I was challenged to a race. The recent hit and run incident still fresh in my mind, I immediately accepted.

When we arrived at the strip suddenly I became the subject of fun. Gearheads have something against automatic transmissions. I explained to him that I don’t do “manual” whether it’s changing the gears, pumping the gas, changing the oil, washing, detailing or parking. I, after all, am a LAW-YER.

Nobody was convinced so we added another parameter to the race. I explained my job requires me to text, email and make calls on the fly. Therefore during the race each driver must text “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” send an email with that in the body and make a call and leave a message reciting the phrase.

Texting while driving is hard with a manual as he found out the hard way. Still I had to tap his bumper to get him to spin out, ruining my perfect tropical neon orange paint job. But here is the thing, I didn’t take his car (I mean I took it and his girl because I won) I sold it and put the money in the BMW fund.

Later that day as I was test driving BMWs trying to re-educate gearheads girl about cars (and decide whether to believe her PA license which said she was 17 or her NJ license which said she was 21) I realized my tastes had changed. A 3 series wasn’t enough. Plenty of associates has 3 series. I needed one with Xdrive. Ha, you thought I was going to say 5series or M3. No. The need for Xdrive comes from a raucous partner who keeps bragging about his damn Audi. Also the kid who I ran into a Jersey barrier drove a Subaru. Do I detect a pattern…

So I leave you with these parting thoughts 1) Never Let Anyone Hold You Back 2) Success is a zero sum game 3) Dont Make Your Own Rules Make Your Own Exceptions 4) Never Work Harder Than You Have To 5) Keep your Abs tight 6) Drive a BMW 7) Always act as if you have money Always Act as if success is a foregone conclusion 9) Never watch so much as a sitcom in non-HD and 10) Dont want what your neighbor has, want something better.

These are your 10 Commandments. Mike Triforce out.